


blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly (all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise).

by anxiouspunk



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Also I'm terrible at tagging, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Found Families, Gen, Heavy Angst, I forgot that you only care when it’s about an attractive white guy, Implied/Referenced Attempted Sexual Assault, Oh that's right, Self-Harm, basically this is a fic on kali's life, because kalancy is the main romance ship here, but it’s never explicit or more then a sentence or two, don't be dismayed by the kali/mick tag, from parents to lab to vigilante justice to finding El and everything after too, hey everyone who’s been writing billy’s redemption and fics on his life, it's never super explicit but just so you guys know, just in reference to the lab though, just to be completely clear, no?, other characters and party members will show up but not long enough to be tagged, save for some mentions of El early on, since you love story arcs on angry abuse survivors, so I will probably be adding stuff in later, the Whole Nine Yards, the relationships and characters won't appear until way later, this will get quite heavy at some points just fyi, title 'blackbird' by the beatles, tw blood, which why I'm only like the second or third person to write about kali's life, will get fluffier as time goes on just give it a minute, you’re going to be reading this too right?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:40:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiouspunk/pseuds/anxiouspunk
Summary: Kali was riddled with the scars life handed her. Stolen from her home and subjected to torture, with all the losses and the pain she's been through, she's only just been trying to survive.This is the story of how she makes herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to a story that has been forever in the making. Basically, I adore Kali, and really wanted to explore her story, as we know so little of her. I've been banging away on this probably since the start of the year, and finally have enough to post. Though I'll be honest with you guys; I'm not sure what this whole net neutrality will do, and since it's going into affect in two weeks roughly (unless the internet bands together to change that), I'm not sure I'll get this whole thing up before then :P We'll just have to see how far I get. 
> 
> Anyway, this chapter starts off in the lab, so it's probably one of the most angsty and saddest of the chapters, just so you know. This won't be an incredibly light story, though that'll change more towards the end. But if you love back story and redemption arcs, then this is the right place to be LOL
> 
> I'll stop blathering now - enjoy the first chapter!

This is what she remembers first. 

 

At least, she thinks she does. The  memories are flimsy and far in between. Sometimes she thinks she just made them up. Really, she fears she created them just so she could say she had a family. So she could say she had sometime, had love, before all the hurt  of  the  many  years following. 

 

Either way, she knows, all the glimpses and feelings. She remembers a very small house. Dingy walls and dirty floors, and it did a bad job of keeping them dry when it rained. But it was homely and warmed by all the love in it. 

 

She remembers two figures –  _ Mum and Dad _ . A male who she didn’t get to see often, but was always smiling when she did. A large belly laugh and a thick mustache that tickled her cheek, tough arms that lifted her up and flew her through the air. A woman, always dressed in  traditional suits that sparkled and jingled when she walked. Always spotted over a stove, stirring some pot that filled the whole apartment with colourful spices. Dotting, a no-nonsense voice to  _ not pick that up she was going to hurt herself _ and not to dare of  _ eating one more snack before dinner _ . She spent hours in the morning braiding her hair before school and there was always a smile on her face as she waved when she walked out the door there after.

 

She could barely remember the neighborhood. She didn’t think she had any friends yet. She’s done the calculations, and she would’ve been just six then, just starting elementary, too young still. But she thinks she had fun playing on the playground, and skipping rope or doing hopscotch with the other neighborhood kids who wore tattered clothes like she did. 

 

A good life.

 

And while she doesn’t like to recall it, she thinks she can remember the very day. It was dark – it would’ve been nearing winter – and she was already a bit late walking home after watching the television special with the other kids who’d congregated in one of the homes, as they often did. Walking, dark and only getting discombobulated, there was a man in a pressed suit who pulled up beside her in his shining van. Gave her a winning smile and asked her if she was lost. And that he could give her a lift if she was.

 

She was wary at first. But she also knew that Mum would get after her if she was late, and she’d forgotten to bring her good coat for the chilly night. So she said yes; he’d seemed harmless. He smiles in a way that looked inviting to her then and beckons her to the front seat. She settles in, thinking how different his car was to the one that Dad drove, and lets him take her home. 

 

She barely has time to tell him he took the wrong  turn  when there’s a needle to the back of her neck and the whole world falls away. 

 

-

 

When she wakes up, she’s not at home. 

 

It’s all white. It’s not her bedroom. She’s wearing a white gown. She shouts for someone, a hello, but no one answers. It’s so quiet. Panic starts to rise. Where were her parents? She shouts louder for them –  _ Mum _ _?! Dad?! _

 

She’s near tears when the door opens. It  reveals a tall man with white hair  who was  dressed  rather  nicely. He walks too slow, gradually approaching with his shadow gliding over the shiny hard floor. He tries to smile at her and her stomach twists. He doesn’t smile right; not with laughter and sunshine. Not like Dad does. 

 

He tells her this is her home. But she knows that’s a lie. And she tells him so.

 

He tells her  _ she’s  _ the one who’s mistaken.

 

This is her home. It’s always been her home. Doesn’t she remember? Her name is Eight. She’s always lived here. And he’s always been her Papa. She never had another family; she simply must’ve dreamt it all up. 

 

That’s when she feels a sting along her wrist. She looks down, and finds a fresh tattoo printed there on her skin. 008. A marker. Her thumb glides over it.  It was really real. 

 

No. He’s a lair. She never could’ve dreamt up Mum and Dad. They were too real; their love too present. She knows. She knows better. 

 

Then she starts to sob. She doesn’t live here. She wants to go home.  _ Where’s her bed? Where’s her stuffie duck named Donald? Where’s Dad?! Where’s Mum?! She wants them back! They’re going to be worried she wasn’t home for dinner! _

 

He’s trying to talk her down, say she’s wrong, she made this up. It wasn’t good of her to lie like that. When the tears pour down and the howls below out, and even he can’t do anything to stop the screams and the hyperventilating, two men  in white  with sticks attached to their belts burst in. They press her to the painful  linoleum even as she thrashes against them with her little nails digging into their thick hands. She tries and tries, but it’s not enough. 

 

Another sharp jab to the back of her neck. Then blackness as she falls limp to the floor. 

 

She never gets to see Mum and Dad ever again. 

 

-

 

She’s quick to understand that this was not a home. It was not a home like she knew homes to be.

 

She’s a fast leaner. She learns there are guards, people watching, waiting for her to try to slip out and run back home. There were no colours or stuffed toys or treats after dinner. Rather then parents, then mums, it’s men with thick black sticks that leave bruises on her skin or ones that glow electric blue at the end and make deep, deep burns.

 

They do this when she resists. Struggles against the seat they’ve strapped her to, won’t do what her “Papa” is asking of her. Scream, cry, kick – it’s all met with throbs of pain that leave her shriveled on the floor. Sometimes it’s just too much – too much pain welling in her and too many scars staring to form over her once unblemished skin – that she gives in and does as asked. Then Papa will smile in the way she doesn’t like. Tell her she did a good job. 

 

While she shakes and hurts all over and tears drip on her cheeks, it doesn’t feel like she did a good job. 

 

She doesn’t get to play outside again. Doesn’t get to watch her favourite t.v programs again. Doesn’t get to wear bright dresses and fluffy sweaters again. And she stops asking for things she once knew – stops questioning, after the first time she called them liars when they said  she  wouldn’t, couldn’t, have these things again and the whitecoats had beat her until her throat was raw from screaming.

 

She starts keeping her tears for when they can’t see; under the sheets of her bed at night, sobbing. Sobbing for her once life, for her Mum and Dad. Wondering when they were going to come to help her. But even still, as she does, they all tell her she’s wrong about her  supposeded family. Papa says she doesn’t have any family; he’s her only family. She imagined those people. They’re not real. Those  among him will nod along, backing him. And as days make weeks that makes months that start to make years, she starts to believe them. 

 

She doesn’t want to. But it becomes so hard to remember sometimes; her mother’s beautiful face and her father’s shining smile. The warm hugs from the thick masculine arms and the gentle lullabies sung by the soothing female voice. She’s losing it all, and maybe Papa was really right. 

 

This is why she doesn’t tell them her name. She knows, she isn’t Eight. She has a name. It’s Kali. She knows, if she gives it over to them, makes a defiant stand against them trying to call her by a number by telling, they’ll take it. They’ll tell her she’s wrong, she’s never had any other name then Eight. So she clings to Kali. Keeps it deeply hidden in her mind, repeating it to herself when she’s  suppose to be sleeping,  _ K-A-L-I _ , so she doesn’t forget the one thing that was hers. 

 

Sometimes they do things that aren’t so awful. She gets to sit in this room that had some toys and colouring sheets. It had foam tiles made of many colours on the floor and she gets to play games that align numbers and spell out words. Her hope every morning when she sadly wakes up to the same white walls,  was that she gets to go to that room today.

 

But mostly, it’s bad things. It’s needles into her skin and unknown substances forced down her throat,  where she’ll be sick after, puking and screaming because it feels like she’s turning inside out. It’s training exercises she doesn’t understand that Papa makes her do. Sometimes she can do it, but the times she refuses, or the times she  just  can’t, then there’s shocks to the chair,  settling in through her and wracking her whole small body. 

 

_ Again Eight, I know you can. You’re just not listening.  _

 

_ I-I can’t Papa, I.. _

 

_ You can’t, or won’t? _

 

_ I-I can’t do it, please, don’t.. _

 

_ Flip the switch.  _

 

_ No! _

 

More shocks. She traces all the marks of pain on her skin later, laying exhausted on the white sheets. 

 

And the white coats look on, watching her, a close eye for whatever it is they plan to do with her.

 

All she can do is wait for some kind of hope and mercy.

 

-

 

She remembers the very day they brought the other girl in. 

 

She’s in the room with the toys. The doors opens and there stands Papa. She flinches, ready for what might unfold, but instead he steps forward, someone in tow. 

 

Beside him is a girl just a little younger then her. Maybe about four. She has a chubby, innocent face and fair brown tresses in a pony tail. She looks to her with curious eyes. 

 

“Eight,” Papa spoke, ushering the girl forwards “this is Eleven. She’ll be your new playmate.” 

 

She’s  intrigued. She hasn’t seen another kid in a really long time, someone like her. Eleven sits opposite to her and then Papa closes the door, telling them to get on and play with one another. 

 

They just stare at each other first; Eleven looked at her like she’d never seen anyone like her, with a very pointed and intense gaze. Eventually, she slides one of the colouring sheets to Eleven, and the box of crayons. Eleven picks them up, her brown eyes twinkling with interest at the new objects. She looks back to the older girl, unsure. She doesn’t know what to do. She only moves when she sees  _ her _ put the red crayon back to the paper, following the sketching motion  to colour in the picture.

 

It was  fascinating , for sure. But she learned to really like Eleven.

 

She looked forward to the days they would play in the rainbow room together. It was the only time she saw anyone else who wasn’t  whitecoat . They didn’t really talk, but that didn’t seem to be important; they were more comfortable to sit next to one another as they did their  activities.

 

She wondered what they did with Eleven. What they did to her. Did they make her do tests to o ? Did they hurt her too? She really didn’t like thinking about tha t . 

 

She wondered about Eleven’s life. Did she belong here? Did she have a family, like she had (at least, she _ thought  _ she had..). Did they take her from somewhere else?

 

Neither know s . But there was that one day in the rainbow room that something happened. The door had burst open, and instead of expecting to find Papa or another whitecoat, it was a woman. She was wearing normal clothes and had light brown hair just like Eleven’s. Her panicked eyes immediately  spotted the younger girl and then filled with happiness, her arms outstretched to her. Called her something.  _ Jane _ . 

 

But before anything could happen, those guards ran in, and grabbed her. They pulled her down the hall and the girls could hear her desperate cries;  _ no no no, she’s mine, she’s mine _ . 

 

She thought, was that Eleven’s Mum? Later Papa dismissed it; told them that that was only a very bad person, who was here to try to take them away from him. Eleven took it right away, swallowed it all with a  _ yes, Papa _ . 

 

She though, never took anything from him right away.  However she always  careful to  pretend like she did. 

 

Eleven couldn’t know that Papa lied, but she did. Sometimes, when the white coats put down their headphones connected to the microphones inside the rainbow room, she risked it all to tell Eleven things. Things she couldn’t know but that she needed to. 

 

That there was an outside. A world that existed out of the white walls (it was getting harder to remember that world, so she had to cling onto the barely there memories and try to remember that they were  _ real _ even if it felt impossible). 

 

That there were people outside of here. Different people, who didn’t  give you bruises  and stick needles in your skin. 

 

That the se were bad people, bad men. 

 

Eleven always looked confused when she did it, like she couldn’t quite believe her. She might’ve not retained a whole lot, but there was always a grasp of curiosity over her face, hidden in the brown eyes, that was eager to know of a world she’d never heard of. 

 

She did what she could for Eleven. She couldn’t protect her when Papa and the others hurt her, but she could give her this, and this might protect her. 

 

Sometimes she thought about running away with her. The two of them, escaping here and going somewhere else. Her and Eleven, together, without the people who hurt them.

 

She hopes, maybe. Just maybe.

 

-

 

Hope, she learns, is never enough for anything. 

 

It’s the first day she ever makes someone see something. 

 

In the cold room, it’s clean tiles and  the  glass  split down the middle, dividing them from her. Papa speaks through the other end to ask her to make him see something. It’s the picture slid in front of her at the table, one of a man she’d never seen before with a thick coat and burly mustache. 

 

All her training had led her up to this, Papa had encouraged, all she had to do was a simple trick of his mind. Under the threat of another beating, she did as asked. Closed her eyes, her tiny fist trembling tight by her side, she found her way into the doctor’s mind. Wormed her way in with all her might to convince his mind that there was a man standing right beside the table –

 

There was a sudden noise on the other end. Papa had jumped up from his chair, peering through the glass with  ensconced eyes. Memorized. And he’s smiling something awful. 

 

“ _Do you see?..”_

 

“ _I see him..”_ Papa gasped. 

 

She turns then, just barely flicks her eyes over, and surely, there was the man with the heavy winter coat and thick mustache – an exact replica of him, standing there perfectly with his hands clasped. She can only gape at him. She couldn’t have possibly done that. But, the blood spilling under her nose and from her ears, her shaking hands and complete  _ exhaustion _ , would say otherwise. 

 

She tries, but soon, her small body buckles and fist releases. He evaporates away as fast as he’d appeared. Quickly, she turns to Papa, terrified for the reaction and words on the tip of her tongue –  _ I tried to  _ _ hold on _ _ I didn’t mean to let go _ – but it’s not as she feared. He was pleased; there was that smile that was  suppose to indicate something good. 

 

He walks away from the other whitecoats, to the door separating them. Unlocks it to walk  over to her, and stands over her withdrawn self. That smile and a hand with cold fingers on her back.

 

“Well done Eight. You’ve done exceptionally today, just as I wanted from you.” 

 

Relief washes over her. Thank god. This was good – she’d finally made him happy. Maybe, now that she’d done what he’d really wanted, this would be the end. No more needles and no more shocks. No more pain. 

 

He got what he wanted. 

 

Rather, he guides her out, says they need to do one more thing today. But it won’t require anything from her. She steels herself at that, especially as she sees the whitecoats muttering words like  _ monitoring  _ and  _ brain activity _ behind the glass. 

 

She’s l ed through the halls into a different room and was told to sit nicely in the chair in the middle. Papa stands back and one of those men in those white jumpsuits walks behind her.

 

Then there’s a buzzing. 

 

A hand over her head to hold her in place and then metal sheers suddenly slid e against her scalp, black hair falling down to her feet. Her heart hits the ground. 

 

“ _ No! _ ” 

 

She rips her head away, screaming and scr ambling to get out.  _ Not that, not her hair,  _ _ not the one thing left of her that was still untarnished. _ But the man grabs her little body and slams it back into the chair, a muscled arm around to hold her down. The razor starts again, slicing off lock after lock. She started sobbing. 

 

“No! No! Stop it,  _ stop! _ ” 

 

“Now Eight,” Papa’s rational voice spoke clearly, even over her calls of pain “You have to co-operate. This is the only way we can track what you can do – you want to help us, don’t you? You’ll be good right?”

 

She thrashes and tries to divert the razor’s path, doing anything she could. The man grunts at her to  _ stop it _ and his thick hand clamps over her neck, choking down the cries. 

 

“This is the next big step, where you’ll start doing lots to help.  So don’t cry – you’re going to help your Papa, won’t that be exciting? Won’t that be good?” 

 

Maybe she hadn’t cried simply over her hair.  Maybe, it was about  what it stood  for . She had had a blimp of hope that this was the end; that she’d done what they’d been preparing her for, and now, it was going to end. The end to years blurred together by suffering. 

 

Instead they were only preparing her for more. Shaving her, sculpting her, to be exactly what they needed. To do exactly what they pleased for her to do.  P robably  for  forever,  she realized . Her hair was just the  next piece , and there was no end  in sight . 

 

So she sits still and howls in the metal chair, tears pouring down and watching her hair fall to land all over her lap and over her arm, onto her  _ 008. _

 

Hope was not going to get her out.

 

-

 

It’s only a couple days after that, and she’s allowed back into the rainbow room. 

 

She doesn’t want to play; she doesn’t want to do anything. Eleven is already in there when she walks in,  where she just  sits down on the carpet and stares down at the bright material. Eleven eyes her curiously, deciding after to walk over on her little legs to stand over her. Quirks her head, and then brings up her chubby hand and smoothed it over the older girl’s freshly shaven head. She lets Eleven do it for a little while, until  ducking her head away  from the  grasp and blinking back tears. 

 

“Bad..” She mutters, a lump in her throat she has to swallow down. 

 

“Bad...” Eleven repeats, trying to get an understanding. 

 

“Not good. Not pretty..” 

 

“Pretty?” Eleven tilts her head further. 

 

“Yeah,  _ not _ pretty.” She lifts her head to meet the inquisitive brown eyes. Then, moves her hand to twiddle pieces of the younger’s hair between her fingers “Pretty..” 

 

Eleven grasps a handful of her hair, seeming to make the connection. A second after she toddles back to the plastic table and begins colouring with the offered paper and crayons. She occasionally lifts her gaze to the other girl but will go back to the task at hand, which was fine because she only wants to sit on the ground and do nothing. 

 

Some minutes later, there’s a scraping of a chair against floor and then a paper is shoved into her hands. She blinks back to the picture Eleven has given her; she’d drawn, loosely and smeared like a child’s drawing would be, two stick figures. Both in purple dresses, one with hair the other not, and one with dark skin while the other had light. They were holding hands in the middle. 

 

The whitecoats or Papa won’t let her take it to her room, but she recites the picture to memory.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Here's chapter two for ya :)

The training does not yield; in fact, it gets worse, becomes more regimented. It’s almost day after day, where she sits in the chair and the whitecoats stare behind the glass. Create this picture; this man, this woman. She gradually becomes better and better. She can make something bigger, better detail, and then even  towards a group , not just making Papa see it. 

 

And they awe her. Papa asks for more and more. She can’t always do it. Her whole self battered by exhaustion, she has to say no, she can’t, she can’t.

 

That’s when the men come, with the black sticks, with the rods. And even with every bruise and cut and burn and spill of blood, a piece deep in her will still say no. When Papa asks after she’s  shaking on the ground,  _ will she do what he’s asking now _ _?_ , a tiny voice full of fight and anger asks why? Why would she, to people who keep hurting her? 

 

She’ll look up with teary eyes full of steel, and spit bile at his feet. 

 

“ _ No. Not for you _ .” 

 

But, at the end of every day, they were bigger and they held her life in their hands. They had the power and the weapons. So they do worse to where she’s still  trembling in her bed after because she didn’t know it was possible to feel that much pain.

 

And so it continues the same. They force her into request after request and even when she fights, they make her buckle and she has to give in as pain takes her whole.

 

She stops wishing for things to be different, for the day when they give  up and suddenly stop  torturing her. She knows better.

 

They never will.

 

-

 

Maybe they didn’t give  up , but, there was the day she gave up her compliancy.

 

The very day she decided it end.

 

She’s taken to the rainbow room, just like any other day. Except that Eleven was not waiting for her at the plastic table like normal. 

 

Something’s wrong. She can feel it immediately. Her stomach twists as she desperately looks for the little girl who’d become her only friend.

 

Papa tells her Eleven doesn’t come to the rainbow room anymore. That she’s advanced past it. She’s gone on to better things, to help her Papa better.  W asn’t that nice?

 

All she knows then though, is that they took her. They took another person she cared about away. 

 

Rage boils over and  courses through, has her crashing into her “father” with angry fists and sc reams to bring Eleven back. Does all the damage she can, unleashes a storm of pained anger because she’s lost  _ again _ . 

 

It’s not hard for them to pull her off of Papa. She remembers the terrible look he wore, stone and ice, telling her she has done something  _ very bad _ . But even through the terror, she spits fight back in his face. She doesn’t regret it. 

 

Not even when they force her into a steel tub filled with ice water. Hold her under water where her howls couldn’t echo the halls outside. She keeps going, fighting and fighting and fighting. 

 

She knows right then, after seeing what they’ve done to Eleven and what they might do to her, that she was done bowing done. 

 

It was time to put thoughts into plans. 

 

-

 

It was hard work. But she figures it out. After all, she’d been subject to the whole inner workings for years now. She’s picked up on some things. 

 

She learns the guard rotations. She figures out when they’re focused on her, and when they leave her alone. Knows which whitecoats were more lenient and the ones that were rougher with her then needed be. She watches them all so carefully, and starts to piece together the security system. She even practices her powers, when no one is watching. Hones them. 

 

It takes a lot. And she’s desperately scared when the day comes. 

 

Her heart hammer s away when the men pick her up to take to training, letting them pause to open the door to the room before recreating Papa.  T he very spitting image of him to have him talk to the men and provide a big enough distraction (“ _ I need you both to head down to the ground floor.” “But, what about the experiment sir..?” “I have others coming to watch her – now, don’t dawdle gentlemen.”)  _ for her to slip away, running and furiously wiping under her nose. 

 

It was effort, to make  _ every person  _ not see her as she (carefully) rushes through the hall, rather then just one. She’s terrified she’ll make a mistake and reveal herself. Terrified of what they might do when they discover what she’s been planning. 

 

But by all miracles, she makes it. She uses all her might, every last ounce, to distort the vision of every scientist and every guard. When she gets by the final door, blood is dripping all over her lips and her legs and arms are trembling and she’s just  _ exhausted _ . She wants to collapse and bury down onto the ground, but she knows she can’t. Instead she runs; she goes as fast as her shaking body will take her, feeling the squish of dirt and tickle of grass blades under her feet that she hadn’t felt in  _ years _ . She’s about a yard away when the blare of an alarm starts ringing out into the empty space. They noticed. She still doesn’t stop, keeps going and pulling her self along to survive. 

 

And in the back of her mind, past all the panic and adrenaline, she can’t stop thinking off the little girl with inquisitive brown eyes. Eleven, who’s stuck there,  still  a prisoner unlike her now. That she didn’t, couldn’t, save her. 

 

She swallows down the lump in her throat, blinks away the tears and just runs and runs. 

 

-

 

She doesn’t know how long she runs. It seems like forever. She knew the bad men were fast on her heels; if she ever saw any, she cloaked herself invisible. She took very few times to sleep, either up in tree branches or in burrows underneath them. She had to keep moving though, making sure not to get too caught up in her surroundings; like the bright sky or the mushy grass that she’s learning all over again, things she’d once memorized but thought she’d forgotten until now. And then, she’s on the move again. However she knew, that this wasn’t going to last her forever. 

 

Eventually, after what was probably a few days lost to the woods, she finally  walks into streets filled with houses. It was a mostly silent street,  empty of people,  except for one house. These people had their things strewn about their yard in boxes, and there was a massiv e  truck  in front  piled high on the inside of belongings. 

 

A truck. A get-a-way.

 

Kali knew she couldn’t beat the bad men on foot. This was the next, if not best, option.

 

She waits until their distracted before rushing over, and quietly, climbs into the massive vehicle. She burrows herself in between boxes and furniture. Not long after, the doors are slammed closed, the locks done up, and a still darkness falls over. 

 

There’s not much she can do now, just sit and wait as she feels the rumble of the wheels against the road, the truck driving off to wherever it was going to take her.

 

So, she climbs up onto the worn and loved couch, and lowers her  tired body down.  Finally l ets her heavy eyelids  fall  completely closed and sleeps. 

 

She’s safe for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things I forgot to mention last chapter. We already don't know much about Kali's life previously, just that she was born in the UK. So my take is that she was stolen from a regular family within London (one without government or supernatural ties); specifically a poorer one, so that, for the lab people, the family wouldn't have greater resources to help get her back. Just to be obnoxiously clear. This is all, chapter three should be soon.


	3. Chapter 3

She’s somewhere very different when she wakes up. 

 

The truck doors open and light falls in, making her spring up and  quickly rush out, cloaking herself so she can slip out. She ru ns off and leaves the family behind.

 

But this place isn’t like anything before. 

 

It’s much bigger and everything is happening at once. There are many stores and many  buildings. There are loud cars zooming by, one after the other. And there are many people, children, bustling around and shouting and talking over each other. There’s a bright green sign not far off.

 

_ Welcome to Westerville! _

 

And she feels very small.

 

She wanders.  It was all she could do, in an aimless search to find wherever she  _ could  _ go.  Hides in the back areas of stores or apartment buildings, in alley ways. Steals food out of garbages and huddles by dumpsters at night, cloaked in cardboard boxes and shivering  desperately , her bare arms and legs tucked in. Scrubs away tears stained on her cheeks.

 

She has to hide a lot. If she’s out in the open for too long, people will look at her oddly. Already twice,  just in the first few days, a worried woman has tried to follow her,  attempted to usher her over. And Kali had to run.

 

She’s away from the bad men,  at least. She’s still looking over her shoulder, careful in every step she took, waiting for the day they leap out of the shadows and put their shackles back on her  to drag her back. But they don’t,  and as the days continue without a single trace of them,  she can  now  sigh with relief. No more white coats and jumpsuits. No more needles in her skin and clubs beat against her skin. 

 

No more Papa.

 

But still, it was hard;  cold, hungry, and at the worst, lonely. It wasn’t as nice as she’d hoped. And she ends up doing things she doesn’t want to do.  She swipes food off of carts of unknowing  vendors , just so that her stomach wasn’t twisted up in pain from hunger  any longer . Or she has to take the coat that a kid left behind on a park bench, meaning she can drape it over herself at night  and finally sleep, not shivering and praying the tips of her uncovered fingers won’t turn blue again. 

 

She wanders by one of the buildings one day, the one where she sees lots of kids go in and out of. She’s peeked in the windows a couple times, her curiosity getting the better of her just to see what they did in there, finding groups of kids dressed in costumes or girls all dressed in pink  suits or  everyone  playing things that were making music. 

 

It’s the day all those girls in pink go in, and she spots one after, talking to her mother. And she eyes the backpack the girl has left by the open door, with her clothes  and  shoes  and wool hat .

 

In a blink, she’s run in, snatched the shoes and  hat and everything else and  flees before she can be noticed. Later she tears away her dirty hospital gown and slips on the purple sneakers, blue jeans and  pink shirt with pictures of kittens on the front . And she’s so glad not to be cold anymore. She hopes that other young girl won’t be too sad. 

 

She hopes she knows she didn’t want to do it.

 

-

 

As she wanders, she watches everyone. 

 

It’s hard to have to be hidden at the same time, but she manages from corners and from distances. The men; in pressed suits and briefcases, or the construction workers with their thick helmets and  luminescent jackets. The women; long, flowing hair and colourful skirts, their voices were always nicer to hear then the men’s. She’d forgotten, what people could really look like, past white coats and  thin hair.

 

A s she watches it all unfold,  that’s when she starts to  remember. She remembers the blare of car horns and the chatter of kids. The pretty flowers now in bloom and the fluffy clouds in blue skies. The splatter of fresh rain on her cheeks and blustering winds. She watches and traces fingers over sometimes and she  _ remembers _ . The world is starting to come back to her now,  her heavy and once chained heart getting to lift up a little. 

 

It’s  mesmerizing and full of so many new things and she remembers once being a part of it, of having something beyond tile walls and steel restraints and pain. 

 

But it’s also very big and she’s still very small and doesn’t know too much about it in all the time she’s lost.

 

She likes to watch the families the most. The mom and dad, and a young kid or two at their sides. They joke and laugh together. The kids look very happy, running in between the legs of their parents. Or she’ll watch them on the playground, one parent pushing them on the swing or holding them down the slide as they squeal. Kisses on cheeks and warm embraces.  I t always hurts to watch. 

 

Though it  does  help piece things together. She still has that far-away feeling, that memory, in the back that she  _ thinks _ she might’ve had a real mom and dad. It’s fuzzy and she can’t conjure up a real face more then just a  _ presence _ , that there was love she’ d  had before  those long horrible years. That she’d been lied to. That she’d been taken. 

 

She didn’t know how to get to them though. But, it was a big town, and she hopes that maybe they’ll spot her one day. Maybe she’ll see them. 

 

She’s confident that even though she can’t remember their faces, she’d know who they were instantly.

 

After all, you’d know your own mom and dad. 

 

Sometimes, she goes into the big building with all the books. She’ll sneak in between the shelves and reads through book after book; sometimes following the words, other times just the pictures. The whitecoats had only given her a very rudimentary basis for words; she knew the alphabet and enough word structure to hold an average conversation. But she likes to learn off of these books.  The problem was was that s he can’t stay too long, because more then once, a mother or librarian will find her, wear ing a sad smile and ask her where her family is – is she by herself, is she lost. Adults seem to be very interested in her parents. 

 

Other times she goes through, over and over, the continents of her stolen bag. There were some books in there too; she’s read them front to cover, inside out, by now. There’s a lso  colouring book in there, with some loose pencil crayons, and she colours until the pencils are just nubs. There was a little doll in there too. She likes to brush it’s hair.

 

If she can’t go to where the books are, she’ll go to the park – the place where she sees the families. She likes the swing most, but she’s also gotten pretty good at the monkey bars; she can nearly make it all the way across now. And sometimes, there are other kids at the park.

 

They might play by themselves, but on some occasions, they’ll ask her to play; it didn’t seem to always matter that they didn’t know her. She’s cautious at first, but it becomes clear they weren’t holding any mean intentions, just wanting a playmate. They’ll play tag, running wild across the  muddy grass and gravel, full of squeals and screams. It’s the only time Kali laughs. Other times the y might make sandcastles in the sand pit, or they play jacks. She’s very quick and often wins most of the time. It’s her favourite time of any day, when the kids come.

 

They like to ask her questions. Where she lives. Why her hair is so short, like a boys’.  Why she wears the same clothes every time.  She’s already learned how to lie  really well, to give them different answers.

 

Just like the adults, they too like to ask her about her parents, who they never see when their parents come to collect them. Where were they? Were they coming?  When?

 

She doesn’t know how to answers sometimes. She  looks away from their curious stares, off at the wide green fields around them, out to the roads, to the buildings she can still see from the hill the park sits on. 

 

“Soon.” 

 

-

 

And there are bad times.  Worse, then the cold or stealing or anything.

 

It’s what gets her to learn to never trust the men in blue. Not after the first time, when it’s late and finally dark  outside , and she’s wandering back from the playground. He approaches from the other side of the walkway, cautious and squinting. She freezes in her spot – on her heels, ready to flee  if need be.

 

“Hey there..” He speaks  s lowly, drawing out the words as he inches closer “What’re you doin’ out here so late..?” 

 

She eyes him closely. He’s big, like those jumpsuits. The uniform he wears is not that much different then theirs,  only a different colour. When she doesn’t speak, he furrows and moves closer.

 

“Where are your parents..? Are they here..?” 

 

He steps, and she moves back.

 

“...C’mon kid, can’t you talk?” 

 

She’s stuck, but then, the little black square by his shoulder crackles. A voice comes out of it. 

 

“ _ Hey  _ _ Davis _ _ , you alright over there..?”  _

 

She hears the voice echo the empty street, and carefully, cranes her head back  to see . There’s another man in blue farther down,  at the end corner . He’s watching them too. 

 

“Uh, I dunno..” 

 

She looks back the first one  who’s now talking  in to the black box. Her eyesight drops, and then she notices something horridly familiar that was hanging at his waist. 

 

A black club.

 

“..maybe you wanna c’m e re and help me out with this kid.” 

 

Her stomach sinks. 

 

_ Bad men.  _

 

She runs as fast as she possibly can, the worn runners slapping against the pavement.  Shoots boom behind her and heavy boots slam down, the hurried stomping right behind her. And she’s trying her hardest, running so fast, shaking and blinking back tears because  _ she doesn’t want to go back she doesn’t want to go they can’t take her back _ . 

 

But unfortunately, they’re bigger and she’s only one against their two. They corner her and then thick hands snatch her arms and she’s  _ screaming  _ _**no no no no no** _ _.  _ They try to hold her, but she kicks and scratches and bites arms, doing  _ anything. _ They  yell at her and their grips become harder, bruising her skin and she starts crying because she’s waiting for the moment the sticks come out. 

 

Even still, she fights. 

 

She gives her all and she screams louder and then _it_ happens. The thing that used to happen in the bad place, the thing Papa said _had to come under control,_ when the whitecoats used to hit too hard, force too much, and she’d _snap_ and her powers would unleash.

 

So there, in the street, the cops suddenly see the lights flicker like mad until it’s a blur and then there’s blood  _ everywhere,  _ all over them and this kid and  swimming over the street and the road dripping everywhere and the  whole  world  looks like it’s  _ spinning _ . And then  _ they’re  _ screaming,  _ what the hell was going on,  _ terrified eyes  and  dropping the girl that started trembling.

 

But Kali can see right, and so with her remaining strength, she gets away from the men too consumed by fear. Later she’ll find a hidden spot and sob, curled into her shaking body, with it’s new bruises smeared over the old ones. The only thing she can do is let the black marks heal themselves.

 

She learns never to trust those blue men.

 

Or the other times,  that prove bad men do not just exist within white walls . The times she learns never to sleep in the open. How to fight the men with gruff hands that grab her in the night, sticking  their fingers under her shirt and trying to pull down her jeans, bruising and hissing over her screams to  _ shut up or they’ll kill her _ . To always be looking behind her. To sleep with a sharp piece of glass in her hand.

 

She learns never to trust many.

 

-

 

Her luck runs out eventually. As it tends to do. 

 

She just needed some food, and she’d intended to be sneaky about it. Swipe a couple apples off the cart and then be gone. But she’d missed her marker, hadn’t been careful enough, and the man who owned the shop had caught her red-handed with wide eyes as she tried to shovel apples in her bag.

 

She’d sprung, and he  pursued, booming voice that delivered threats chasing  right after her . She ran and ran, she’d become quite good at this part, until coming into contact with a dead end. Or more  accurately , a chain fence. 

 

Young and nimble, she could make it over pretty easy. And she wasn’t going to risk anything with the shop owner’ s  voice getting louder and louder. She climbs over the rusted wire, huffing in her hurry. 

 

In the end, she was probably too fast. There  was a huge rip in  the fence , the iron mesh sticking out that she didn’t see. And when she jumps down  to the other side , the jutted end  swipes deeply across her stomach. 

 

Blood instantly begins pouring from the slash, seeping through the once pristine pink shirt that was now grungy. Pain spread throughout and she buckles to her knees, a howling scream dying in her throat. She’s shaking, a hand clutching her stomach and blood coating over her palm, warm and slick. She can barely hold herself up. 

 

But the angry voice is still calling after her.

 

She forces herself to her feet and stumbles through the dark, her whole body  _screaming_ . She runs but the pain only gets worse and the blood keeps dripping despite her hand pressing over the gash. She can’t see through the tears over her eyes.

 

She’s trying so hard but even through all her fight and all her learned strength it’s still not enough. She collapses on the side of the road and cries  spill  out. Cries over the  insurmountable  pain soaking through her body,  _unbearable_ , and bringing her to her knees. 

 

Crying because there’s just too much blood and she  couldn’t do anything to fix it . 

 

She has nothing left; the gash, the scar left, took everything.  Any remaining strength dissapates and she falls gritty concrete, darkness and black start ing to circle her  vision. Just  _barely_ , she suddenly hears voices not too far off. 

 

“ _Hey..”_

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _Did you hear that..? It..it sounds like..”_

 

“ _What? I didn’t hear anything.”_

 

“ _It sounds like a_ child..” 

 

“ _Martha – hey, wait –”_

 

Footsteps.  _No. No no no –_

 

She tries to pull herself up but her fingers tremble and can barely grasp onto anything and her little body just throttles in pain with every inch she tried to make. She can’t get up. The darkness around her eyes gets worse. She feels faint. The footsteps, having gotten closer, abruptly stop. 

 

“ _Oh my lord – George, come quick!”_

 

“ _What?!”_

 

But she blacks out first. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to cliffhanger you! I'll do my best to get the next chapter up soon. FYI, I'd just picked a random town in Ohio, mostly hoping it was the sorta small and quaint town that I needed, which it looked like in the photos on goggle, so.
> 
> Thank you all who've left kudos or feedback so far - it really means a lot :)


	4. Chapter 4

When she wakes up, she’s,  again,  not where she’ d left .

 

She’s on a soft bed, white fluffy sheets and donning clean, well-worn baggy clothes that were a bit too big for her. She’s inside a tidy bedroom with cream walls, spacious and well decorated with art and trinkets on the table. She stares, wide-eyed and heart hammering, having expected to wake up back on concrete – until it all comes back in one rush. She glances down and slowly lifts the hem of her shirt, revealing the ace bandages wrapped around her stomach.

 

Maybe it was nice in here and she wasn’t bleeding anymore, but looking to these walls, Kali sees the same thing. Trapped. 

 

Thankfully, there was a window just above the dresser no more then a few feet away. She pushes away the covers and start to get up, as  quick  as possible. Until the pain in her stomach starts throbbing horribly and she bows over, face screwed in pain. She hovers, trembling, when she hears voices outside the bedroom echoing. 

 

Oh no.

 

Panic drops. It hurts horribly, but she does all she can to crawl out of the bed. She stumbles to the window,  falling against the dresser as she clutched her stomach. The voices sound like they’re getting louder. She does her best, trying to lift herself over, but the pain was stronger. Arms shaking, she buckles and gives into the pain screaming from the scar. Footsteps, approaching. She tries again, terrified and just  _willing, c’mon c’mon_ but she can barely get off the ground and –

 

The door opens. 

 

Kali whips around and there’s two people there. A woman in front, and a man behind her. They open it very slowly and then smile over at her. 

 

“Look, she’s awake..” The woman whispers, never taking her awe-filled eyes off Kali “Hi sweetheart..” 

 

Kali stayed frozen in place, ready on her heels for the second their smiles  disappeared . She  held on, watch ing  and waited. 

 

“Tryin’ to make a break for it, looks like.” The man observes, one brow raised. His wife paid him no mind though. 

 

“It’s okay sweetie, why don’t –”

 

She started to inch forward and that’s when Kali bolts. She scrambles back and snatches the closest thing to her – a forearms length glass statue atop the dresser, shaking hands holding it up and the glare she can now wear well searing back at their gazes. They immediately jump back, wide-eyes showing their surprise. 

 

“Woah, woah!” The man throws up his hands “Hey, it’s okay! We ain’t gunna hurt ya. God, why did we leave all that stuff in here?” 

 

“It’s okay it’s okay,” The woman assures, gently lowering her hands, her voice a calm whisper against his panicked one “She’s just scared, you can tell. It’s okay honey, we’re not here to hurt you..” 

 

She slowly made her way to Kali, who only  stiffened in her spot, fingers gripping her only weapon. She held up her hands just to show she didn’t hold anything, and even settled down on her knees to be at Kali’s height. Kali eyed her carefully. 

 

Her big, kind brown eyes met Kali’s head on – not to intimidate,  simply  so  that  they could be properly introduced. Short black hair styled up nicely, long face and thin cheeks, her skin perfectly clear and just a shade darker then Kali’s. Her smile was warm and true. 

 

“..My name is Martha. And this over here,” She pointed to the man, ushering him over “is George. We found you, left for dead on the road back there and we took you home. Good thing for us, George is a doctor.” 

 

He starts to move over and Kali grips  harder onto the statue. But he only kneels down behind the woman to look over at her. He has the same skin tone, a rounder face, buzzed hair and owl glasses. 

 

“You were hurt real bad.” He tells her, speaking lower this time “You gotta rest some, but you’ll be okay.” 

 

They didn’t make any moves closer. Kali held her ground, but slowly, loosened her stance. If they were here to hurt her, she was sure they’d have done it by now. Martha kept smiling at her. 

 

“..Can you put that back for me honey? I promise, no one here wants to do anything to you..” 

 

In all her time alone, Kali had become very good at reading people,  gagging those who’s kind intentions were true and those who disguised them to hold weapons and promises of pain behind.  And she could already tell, this woman was sincere. There was no menace in or lie behind her smile. Besides, it was usually never the women who hurt her. 

 

Taking a chance, Kali very slowly inched back. She gradually put the statue back a top the desk, steady eyes never leaving the two of them. They didn’t even move after she was weaponless. 

 

“Now, you must be awfully hungry. Would you like something to eat?” 

 

At that, Kali finally nodded. 

 

She’d followed them downstairs, down to a big room filled with cupboards, a table and chair s in the middle. She sat, and as the woman got the food, she took in her surroundings. 

 

It was a nice place. Lots of colour, sunlight in the windows where she could actually see outside. Birds chirp instead of the whirr of machines. The chairs are soft to sit on, not cold steel. 

 

She hands Kali a grilled cheese with some cut-up fruit, of which she nearly consumes whole. She sip s from an apple juice-box  later  when he finally asks, 

 

“So what happened to you kid?..” 

 

She slowly pulls the straw out from her lips, staring down at the table then at him.

 

“Being chased..” 

 

“Someone was trying to hurt you..?” 

 

She nodded. A pitched silence and he prompts again, 

 

“Who?..” 

 

Kali didn’t answer. She knew she wasn’t allowed to take things like she was trying to take the fruit. And she was scared for what they might do if they knew she did something bad. When they saw she wasn’t going to say, the woman asks, 

 

“Were you all by yourself..?” 

 

Another nod. Surprised silence, glancing between one another.

 

“..What about your parents?” He now asked, squinting through the thick glasses “You got a mother? A father?” 

 

Her parents. She hadn’t even found a single trace of them. A second, and then she just shrugged. Baffled, they just turned to one another again.

 

“..Well where did you come from baby?” She asks, even quieter. Like she was frightened to know. 

 

Kali didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like she could tell the truth. If she did, they might send her back. And she wasn’t ever going back. But she also knew she couldn’t lie and pass off a whole imaginative family either.

 

“...Bad place..” She muttered, just barely meeting their eyes. They became even quieter, silence tightening around the room.

 

“….What kinda place kiddo?..” 

 

“George..” 

 

“Bad men..” Kali stared down at her intertwined fingers, wishing they’d stop asking. The woman put a hand over her mouth.

 

“And what’s that?..” He slowly reached across to point to her wrist. To the _008_. Kali instantly covered it with her other hand, eyes flicking back between them. She didn’t know what to  tell them. Her heart started beating wildly and they must’ve noticed the sudden panicked tears because then she leaned in,

 

“It’s okay honey – that’s alright, you don’t have to tell us..”

 

They stop asking things after that. When the food was done, the woman led her away to the bathroom upstairs, smiling kindly at  _getting her to feel better again._ Kali was a bit nervous to find out what that would mean, but it would be for not as she watched her turn on the shower head and gather the soaps. 

 

Kali obliges by slipping off the comfy old clothes and stepping into the gentle rain of the shower head, her stiff stance melting away under the warm pelt. 

 

“Looks like you haven’t been able to have a good wash for a while – that’s okay. Here,” she lines up the soaps and a pristine white towel on the tub rim “you can use all this stuff here to wash up. Does that sound okay?” 

 

She smiles up expectantly. Kali just nervously blinked back  as she began panicking on the spot. The smile  sgtarted to slip, noticing. 

 

“I don’t know..how..” Kali admitted quietly.

 

She’d never really been taught how. When the whitecoats used to clean her, they’d just stick her in a lukewarm bath, and they’d quickly run a rag one up and down harshly against her skin, just doing enough to be satisfactory.

 

“You don’t?..” She squinted, shaking her shock off once Kali dropped her head “Here, I’ll help you. Can I do it?” 

 

Slowly, Kali nodded again. She picked up her arm, wet the cloth and applied soap, and then carefully, though thoroughly, ran the cloth down it, it leaving a trail of bubbles behind. Kali braced when she did, waiting for the rough scrub grating against her skin that she always got. Instead she was surprised at the gentle touch, her pressing the cloth down almost caringly. She worked away steadily over Kali’s limbs and shoulder and stomach,  dirt  mixing into the white soap trail that leaked down. She moved it to her back, the warm hand carefully working to help, where Kali heard her sigh sympathetically. 

 

“Oh you poor thing, you’re practically caked in dirt – you’re gunna end up standing in here for a while.” 

 

Kali really didn’t mind that. Wrapped up in the hot steam and soft rain, she  marveled at the difference of the way those men in white jumpsuits  did it , to her  way . Those men were not careful, simply ran through the process until the result was good enough, pinching and pulling at Kali whilst they did it, not aware, or caring, at how she flinched at their roughness. But this was very different – this woman, Martha, was careful, her touch gentle as she worked to help Kali. It was new to her, as all the touches in that place were rough and without care. But hers was soft and loving – she recognized she could inflict hurt on Kali, and she clearly didn’t want to. She was careful of her. 

 

And Kali had long forgotten that there was a difference. 

 

Before she could really think about it, register her feelings, she felt her throat close and eyes sting. Something heavy in her chest she had to swallow down.

 

-

 

She’s given clean clothes after and a choice: if she’d like to join them downstairs, or go back to rest, as she still looked so exhausted. Kali blinked back, somewhat startled by a choice, until deciding to go back to rest given she was so tired. She very well immediately falls dead asleep, among soft sheets, newly clean and smelling of  honey-suckle .

 

When she wakes up hours later, she hears the hushed argument downstairs – voices clearly making sure  they didn’t reach her. She gets up to the door and hovers around the frame, tapping into their heated conversation trailing it’s way up the stairs.

 

“Martha we..we can’t just _keep a kid_ here! What if she belongs to somebody?! They might be lookin’ for her!” 

 

“Maybe she does and maybe they do – but what if those people came from that ‘bad place?!’” Her voice sounded strained, like it was near tears “George you saw when you fixed her cut...that small body is just.. _covered_ with scars! And she’s still so _young_.  If it’s those people she came from, who she was runnin’ from..then, we..we _can’t_ send her back there.”

 

“I know, I know..it’s just..there are _legalities_ with this Martha – we..we can get in serious trouble if we do this.” 

 

“Look, you got some buddies down at the station. Why don’t you just..go down there, see if there are any missing kid reports –”

 

“ _Martha –”_

 

“ _And_ if there are, we’ll tell them! But if there aren’t, then I think it’s safe to say no one is looking for her.” 

 

A long sigh. 

 

“Alright, fine. I just hope we got enough money to pay for all those legal fees..” 

 

Kali wasn’t sure to make of that. Part of her was surprised that the woman, or even both, were so determined to make sure she didn’t go back to the bad place. And while she’d hoped the bad men had finally given up in finding her, she knew they were the ones searching for her. What if they ran into the bad men? 

 

At the same time, Kali wondered if maybe there was anyone else hoping for her. Her parents; maybe these people would find her birth parents,  since they hadn’t found each other yet . She could have her family again. 

 

So she decided to wait. Later, that night, the woman came to find her in the bed, grinning as she sat beside her on the mattress. 

 

“Well, it looks like you’re stuck for a while.” She concluded, tilting her head to smile somewhat sadly at Kali “You sure you don’t have a home to go to honey?..” 

 

Kali shook her head, drawing up her knees higher with her arms clinging around. Even if the bad place counted as a home, she didn’t want to go back anyway. Her smile dropped, now just looking sad and  sympathetic.

 

“Just a bad place..” She sighed softly, watching the girl immediately shuffle back as she shifted to straighten up, just like a reflex “..Well, what about a name honey? I realize we haven’t asked for one yet.” 

 

Kali  stiffens.  She really wasn’t sure she wanted to say. She knew that even though her name wasn’t really Eight, if she told her that, then they might tell the bad men  and it would be easy to find her then . She also wasn’t so sure, that if she gave her name, she’d get to keep it. The bad men wouldn’t have let her. And maybe they might take it too.

 

So, she only shakes her head. The woman loses  the happy disposition . 

 

“..What do you mean no? You have to have a name..” She, somehow, senses Kali’s nerves, questioning eyes softening “Or you just don’t wanna say yet..?

 

Kali just kept quiet, letting herself be curiously observed more.

 

“Huh – you’re just a complete mystery then, aren’t you? Well, we’re going to do a bit of searching anyway – maybe someone’s still looking for you. In the meantime..”

 

Now her smile comes back, gentle, the one Kali liked.

 

“would you like to stay here..?”

 

Kali nodded. This place was nice; it had plenty of food and it was warm. She could stay here, until she reunites with her parents. She sees her smile bigger.

 

“Well I’m glad. Now don’t worry; we’ll figure this all out together, won’t we?” 

 

-

 

She stays for the next few days or so. So far, Martha and George were very nice. She still didn’t stay too close, but she liked hearing them talk to each other, or when she’d talk to her when Kali sat at the table waiting for her food.

 

She had an escape route planned just in case, but she liked it so far. She wondered if this is what families did.

 

She spends a lot of time upstairs, or by herself, but she hears the day he gets the news, strolling back in to his wife who’s quick at his side for answers. 

 

“So??” 

 

“Well, I went ‘round the station, spoke to the guys about any reports,” He sighed conclusively “..they don’t have any. At least, none with kids that look like her.” 

 

“So, literally _no one_ is looking for her..?” 

 

“Doesn’t seem like it.” 

 

“But..but what about parents? She can’t have just..appeared, from nowhere.” 

 

“I don’t know Martha. I guess they..or, whoever was treating her poorly, doesn’t want to take her back.” 

 

Kali’s heart sinks. 

 

No one. No one was looking for her. 

 

They’re still talking but she stumbles back into her room, shrinking down into the corner. Her head was spinning and she wasn’t sure if she should be happy or not. 

 

If he’s right, that means the bad men aren’t looking for her anymore. They’ve given up. That realization was monumental; it had her shaking and teary, almost impossible to believe. No more.

 

But, surprisingly, that’s not what she’s thinking about. 

 

She’s thinking that he wasn’t able to find anyone else. No one else was looking for her. 

 

Not even her parents. 

 

Or, at least, the parents she thought she had. That had once felt perfectly real to her, just within her grasp, the  presence of warmth and smiles. But maybe it really had been fake, something she’d  only thought up so that she could have a piece of love to hold onto in the tears of torture. A way to say that that wasn’t  _all_ she was meant and bred for. 

 

Was Papa right? Was she really only his? That made her feel sick and press her palms over her eyes, trying to push it down. 

 

And maybe, instead, she  did  ha ve parents. And they just weren’t looking. They’d stopped their search and had left her behind, their little girl with memories she desperately hopes are real and a  pleading hope for a family. So she could have her own bed and they could have dinners together as her mom cooked and they could go to the park together and they’d help her on the swing or down the slide even though she was big enough now to do it herself. They’d do it anyway because they loved her. 

 

They didn’t want her.

 

Huddled up, Kali starts to sob, tears streaking down her small cheeks, smeared over her palms as she tried to wipe it all away.  _Her family didn’t want her._

 

And the only people who had, had wanted to hurt her. 

 

She keeps sobbing. Through the crocodile tears, she thinks about those kids in the park, who’d laughed when their parents helped them through the  obstacles and had obediently ran back when they’d call them to come home, hating them.

 

Later, the woman comes to say goodnight to her. She’s done this every night and Kali still had to figure out why. She asks if she’d like getting some help into bed, and Kali says yes. She lays back on the pristine white sheets and lets her tuck over the comforter around her body until she was perfectly comfy.

 

“So,” She beams kindly over at her “looks like you are a little stowaway then. Crashing from nowhere and right into our lives..” 

 

She reached forward and adjusted the old t-shirt so it wasn’t sagging. Kali steeled herself, only to melt into the gentle touch.

 

“Here’s what I’m thinkin’, then. You say you have no home, and there ain’t one looking for you – do you think..you’d want to stay here with us..?”

 

She’s hopeful, patiently quiet as she holds on for an answer. Kali quirks her head – they wanted her to stay here? With them? Her own, real parents – if they were real – weren’t even looking for her. She knew, she clearly wasn’t going to have a family with them like she thought. But now, this woman was asking her, and Kali quite liked them. Unable to bite back her family, she blurts,

 

“Like a family..?”

 

She turns quiet. Pinched brow and curious head tilt, eyeing Kali with a kind of disbelief. Soon, a gasping but bright smile came over.

 

“..Well sure honey. Is that what you want to do?” 

 

Kali’s nod is very small; a little insecure, worried they didn’t want to  have a family with her . Instead, her smile grew bigger and soft eyes lit up. She leans in a bit so her fingers grasp around the end of Kail’s.

 

“Then that’s what we’ll be. A family, if you’d like. I’d like that a lot.” 

 

Kali almost smiles, her nerves gone. She’d like that  a lot  too.

 

-

 

She gets her own room. She gets her own bed. And it’s not like the bad place. 

 

This room isn’t white; there are windows that look out to their green yard and neighbours next door and the bright sun. There’s stuffies on her bed, pink bears and dolls all lined up along the backboard. There’s a duck who wears a waistcoat, and Kali fluffs his wings, feeling something familiar tugging in her stomach that she can’t place. 

 

The woman brings in clothes. A big box, full of bright fabrics and laces. She admires them all; she couldn’t remember the last time she had a lot of colour.  She likes the dresses, but Kali doesn’t as much; she doesn’t like how they look on her, and the bare air on her legs reminds her too much of the white gown. She takes to the shirts and pants more. 

 

Her hair it still so short. She runs her hand through the stubble that was just a couple of inches, glowering at her reflection. In return, the older woman might tuck a hat over, or a pretty head band. She guesses she likes those. At least, with all of this and all of the colour, she was starting to look like someone. 

 

She didn’t look like Eight anymore. And she liked that.

 

The house was different. Big. She’d roam around as she heard her puttering downstairs. The floors  that’re thick bright carpet that squishes between her toes then clean white laminate. There’s other rooms with beds and nice pictures hung on the wall, a room that had just a desk but bookshelves  overflowing with books. She ran her fingers over the spines and words but most of them were too hard to read or pronounce. The husband, he spends a lot of time in there. 

 

One day, she finds an overfilled closest. It’s stacked full of boxes; most things inside weren’t all that interesting, old linens and china. Some though, held very odd things. A box full of little outfits and tiny lacey socks. Colourful blankets with pictures of puppies or clowns on them. Some of it wasn’t even opened, still encased by plastic. She was curious, but never asked about it. 

 

She likes that the house was big; it didn’t confine her like white walls did. And it was always warm. They’d put on the fireplace and he’d show Kali how to place the wood to get a flame going (with as close as she’ll stand to either him or the fire). Or warm in other ways; him chuckling along to the box with moving pictures,  _t.v_ , that had the laughter come out of it, or her laughing as she talked for long periods on the phone, and even though Kali didn’t always understand the context of most of it, she liked the way she talked anyway.

 

And she wasn’t hungry anymore either. The woman liked to cook a lot, and she made lots of good things. Breakfasts, where Kali likes to have  _french toast,_ with  strawberries and syrup  ( not  bananas or whipped cream ). Lunches of  _pb &j _ or noodle soup, sometimes hot dogs if she’s lucky and he’s home that day to help make them. The dinners are always the biggest; spaghetti and meatballs, mash potatoes and ham, pizza as  _a treat_ . Kali will watch her make all of these, a whirl in the kitchen with the steel bowls and buzzing mixers and bubbling pots.  S he doesn’t always approach, but she does observe. And she’ll talk to  Kali  from her place in the kitchen, how to tell when pasta is ready and the right way to season meat. It’s an interesting process. 

 

Her favourite is usually the deserts. The times when she gives Kali the  spatulas slathered in brownie mix or cookie dough to lick, are the best. 

 

They’re so much better then stale scrapes from the dumpster. A lot better, then the plain buns and  oversteamed vegetables the whitecoats used to give her. They sit all together at the table,  _like families do_ . He talks about  _patients_ and  _the office_ , and she’ll tell him about the new curtain patterns she looked at for possibly redoing the guest room and how Patricia is helping host a bake sale and they should help. Kali never really talks. She’s too busy listening, trying to put pieces together and configure how this new world works. They might ask her a question, but thankfully, expect nothing more from her then the nods or shakes of her head.

 

Her and Martha do things around the house, together. Things like the dishes, where Kali dries as she washes, or folding the loads of laundry; Kali’s small jeans and her patterned dresses and his crisp work shirts. What was always interesting to Kali, was that she never made her. She always asked. She’d approach Kali with a smile that shined in her eyes and say  _wanna help me out a little?_ For a while, it would baffle Kali. The whitecoats never asked; it was always a demand. A worded command if she was good, and bruising hands holding her down when she wasn’t. It’d been happening for so long there was a part of her that forgot about choice. 

 

Like when she’d slipped something over Kali’s wrist; a stretchy, beaded thing that was a bit like a bracelet, that fit right over the  _008._ After she took Kail’s hands in hers and said in a gentle voice, 

 

“ _I’m gunna ask you to do something for me sweetheart. I want you to let this bracelet stay on; never ever take it off, okay? Can you do that for me?..”_

 

Kali says that she can. She already knew what it was for anyway; she often had to hide the tattoo from the kids she played with, because they’d ask and she’d have no answers to really tell them.

 

She didn’t mind,  doing things when it was asked, even the chores . After getting over her initial nerves, she started liking being around her; there was something about the older woman’s warm presnce that was calming. There was even one time when, as they hung up Kali’s dresses in her closet, she’d hear her state, 

 

“You know, it’s pretty dull in here.” She observed, eyes roaming over the walls “It’s a pretty boring colour huh?” 

 

“..Boring..” Kali repeated, following her gaze to the walls and logging the word away for her growing vocabulary.

 

“Beige isn’t very exciting for a kid.” She smiled “Do you think we should repaint? What colour would you like?” 

 

She squints up at her “Repaint the colour..?” 

 

“Yes baby. Which colour should it be?” 

 

Kali glanced back around, taking it to serious consideration. She liked some colours more then others, but she wasn’t sure what they were called. She felt like she once knew what all the colours names were, but she’d lost it now. 

 

She knew which one she liked best though. She walked over to the dresser, pulling open the drawer to take out one of her shirts. She holds it up high to her, stretching the material to emphasize. 

 

“Purple? That’s the colour you want?” 

 

Kali nodded quickly and she laughed a little. 

 

So that’s what they did, to Kali’s surprise. These men come in and they go into her room, Kali hanging out downstairs after being told  _they’re making your room pretty._ She just watched cartoons on the t.v – yet  another thing she was once more starting to figure out again. Some cartoons she didn’t  recognize. Others she did; they sparked a cord of familiar inside her. She knew them. But she didn’t knew  _how_ and she could never place that feeling. That happened with a lot of things. 

 

By the end of the day, the men were done. Martha walks her up to her room and pulls back the door with a big grin.

 

Kali stands in the middle and gapes, her jaw a bit slack and eyes growing wider. The walls, in every inch, from top to bottom, were covered in a gentle lavender. The same on the shirt, the very same that Kali adored. 

 

She couldn’t believe all the colour wrapping around her. For years, she had  sterile white, ghostly and empty. No colour she’ d picked out, no stuffed animals that w ere hers, nothing of her very own. 

 

Here, there was her clothes that had all sorts of shades and her many stuffies laying on her flowery sheets. And the walls encapsulating  _her room_ that were her favourite colour. 

 

Spinning around, awing, a smile carefully spreads over her. She’s too enraptured to notice Martha blinking back the gloss over her eyes. Although, she does hear her talking to him later. 

 

“ _You should’ve seen her smile George..”_

 

“ _Really? She’s happy then..”_

 

“ _She was –l_ _ike.._ _like_ _it was the first time she’s been allowed to be in a long time.”_

 

-

 

It’s still hard to sleep. 

 

She likes her room and bed. The flowery sheets are a lot better then dirty cardboard that had to stand in as a bed. Now, she can fall asleep without wondering when she’ll be jolted awake, by sirens or a hand snatched at her. She knows no one here is trying to hurt her so she doesn’t have to hold a sharp piece of glass to her chest just in case. 

 

She just hates closing her eyes. Hates being surrounded by dark, even with the pink night light in the corner. To close her eyes means leaving herself exposed and not being able to see any dangers left that were always trying to hurt her. 

 

It was always at night that she remembers the worst. She closes her eyes and all she can see is solemn faces. The white coats and unblinking eyes, calmly ga g ging her reactions as she cried under their torture. Papa’s empty smile. The cuts and scars and screaming electric slashes onto her skin from the prod.

 

The dreams are  _fake_ but the pain is alive then and that’s why she wakes up screaming because she can see Papa hovering over her and she can feel the black clubs battering her to the floor and there’s warm blood from her nose down her chin smearing across her skin and everytime her eyelids fly open she’s so terrified to find the bad men standing there to drag her back – 

 

It’s never real  but the tears pour down anyway, mighty sobs from such a small body, shaking her as she curls up and try to will the bad memories to  _go away,_ for the bad men to  _go away_ and stuttering no no  _no no please –_

 

And then suddenly the door will come open. Gentle arms come around and pull her into a warm embrace, becoming an anchor. At the beginning she didn’t know what to do, how to react, but as she’s held tightly, hands eventually come up to grasp tightly to the soft housecoat and head nestling into a shoulder,  shielded from the dark and memories creeping over like demons. She’ll hear the soft voice, even over her howls, carefully guiding her back down, 

 

_Shh, it’s okay baby – it’s alright, you’re safe, you’re safe. Hush now honey, you’re okay, I got you.._

 

Slowly, Kali sinks. She sinks into the hold, warm and safe and protective. Her body stops shaking until becoming small tremors, deep sobs quieting until they became quiet snivels. She listens, face pressed into the fluffy coat and shrunken in, to the voice –  _it’s okay it’s okay_ – until it  _was_ finally okay. 

 

It’s odd, this thing that happens. She used to have these memories, nightmares, in the bad place; she’d wake up with tears and trembling with fear. No one came, then. She’d be crying until she was so exhausted she’d fall asleep on thin white sheets. 

 

So sometimes she’s surprised, startled by the love suddenly encapsulating her. But, it was easy to fall into. When she comes in and holds Kali tight, the young girl grasps back just as tightly and lets her tears soak into her and silently hoping  _she doesn’t leave._

 

She never does. She stays, until Kali is okay. She sits with her, Kali in her lap, a warm hand rubbing over her back and gentle rocking. Sometimes she’ll sing, a quiet lullaby into the dark that helps settle Kali’s wildly beating heart.

 

She always promises her, it’s safe now. It’s okay. She hears Kali’s scared and slurring words and will tell her  _he’s not coming back_ . Kali’s eyelids will grow heavy and she must fall asleep because often, she wakes up to the morning sun in her room, banishing all the darkness and the horrible memories it brings. 

 

And she’s always there. Kali’s never left to face it by herself anymore. She’d gotten used to it, but she’s so glad she doesn’t have to anymore. 

 

When the fear is too strong and all of what she’s endured is too powerful, she’s there. She keeps her close and talks to her until the tears dry and pain subsides – promising, everytime, 

 

_It’s safe now, I’m here. I got you._

 

So, Kali will  drift to sleep wrapped in warm arms, and she doesn’t have to be scared of any darkness anymore. 

 

She’s got her. 

 

-

 

She likes the woman better. 

 

It’s not like he’s been cruel. He wasn’t like those bad men, didn’t hit or force her through pain. He wasn’t like those men in the alleys who snarled and tried to grab her. Not like the ones in blue or  in jumpsuits. He always smiled at her and talked to her in a voice that  was  never raised too high.

 

But still, when ever he shouted across the hall for his wife or walked toward her too fast or reached too close to help her, she flinched. Without even thinking about it ; alarms ring like mad ,  she  withdraws , ducks to hide herself, claws  at the ready  and reaching for anything to use as a weapon. She doesn’t always mean to. By now, she knew he wasn’t going to hurt her. This had just grown into her as an instinct. 

 

She overhears one of their conversations about it, as she often did. 

 

“ _I..I don’t know what I’m doin’ wrong. I’m always careful and I never –”_

 

“ _George, you’re not doin’ anything wrong. It’s just gunna take some time. It...it was probably men who hurt her. That’s what she said after all. So she’s just used..to bein’ afraid.”_

 

“ _God..who-who the hell would do that to a little kid?..”_

 

“ _I know..it’s just..it’s – well, hopefully, with you around, she won’t have to feel like that anymore.”_

 

She’d slunk away after that. It wasn’t like she didn’t like him.

 

That’d changed one night. She’d woken up after  going to bed, all of a sudden woozy and her stomach hurting, twisting and cramping. She’s stumbled downstairs, hopefully to find something to help. Maybe Martha could.

 

Instead, when she found the living room, it was just him. He was p e rched on the sofa, newpaper in hand and the t.v on showing that boring man in a suit  behind the desk who just talked and never did anything. She was just going to go back upstairs, but he’d heard her feet shuffling over and turned to her. 

 

“Hey kiddo. What’re you doin’ down here?” 

 

Kali kept close to the door frame, arms tightly wrapped around her stomach “Martha..” 

 

“She’s out with some friends tonight. Are you okay..? Do you need some help?” 

 

He’d already put the paper down, leaning closer to see. Her stomach was still stinging and she was still ill, and she knew that wasn’t going to go away without any help. 

 

“Stomach..” 

 

“What? It hurts?” 

 

She nodded. 

 

“Hmm. Well,” He got up from the couch and walked on over, crouching down a few paces away “your cut shouldn’t be hurtin’ you anymore. Can I..” He gradually rose a hand, hovering it above and bringing his eyes to hers “can I look?” 

 

She waited, nervously, but after  nodded tightly . He hadn’t done anything so far,  she tried to remember. Very carefully, he lifted up the front of her shirt  to  examin e the bandage. Kali stood on edge, but started to soften when he didn’t do anything else. 

 

“Yeah, everything looks fine. Do you just not feel good? A little sick..?” 

 

Nodding, again. 

 

“Well, I think we can fix that. Why don’t you follow me..” 

 

He starts walking off down the hall, Kali keeping behind a few feet back. He led her into the washroom, and pulled back the mirror to reveal the shelves behind that were filled with medicine; to plastic bottles, yellow ones with white tabs, and sleeves of pills. She sits up on the  toilet se at to watch him. Eventually he pulls out a large bottle with something swimming inside. He leaves after, only to return with a spoon. 

 

“Alright, this should do the trick.”

 

He pours whatever was inside the bottle onto the spoon – a gooey, thick liquid. Then he’s crouching in front of her and holding it up. 

 

“This should make you feel better.” 

 

Kali didn’t move. She remembers  very clearly , the whitecoats who’d made the same offers. Who held up tiny white pills or spoonfulls for her to take. Papa saying they were good for her, they were going to  _make her better_ . The tough hands twisting her arms back, holding her down as she screamed to force it down her throat. How it had burned her throat and how she’d shaken after –  _everything hurt_ . 

 

Furrowing, she inched back from the offered spoon. He squinted back. 

 

“No? C’mon kid, I promise it’ll make you feel better. It’s really fine.” 

 

She vapidly shook her head. He sighed. After, he poured out the spoon, and then left the room. Kali tensed, waiting for him to come back with something forceful to make her take it – a bat, rope to hold her down. When he did come back, he’d only brought another spoon. He then poured out two mouthfulls of the syrup. He went back to her with them both, and placed one of them in her hand. 

 

“Here, just to show you it’s safe. There’s one for you, and one for me. It’s fair then.” 

 

She squinted at him, holding out the extra spoon, where he smiled at her. He was going to take it? She guessed then, it couldn’t really be bad.

 

She watched him carefully, place the heaping spoon at his tongue and swallow it. Just like that. He made a bit of a sour face after , and she nearly smiled. 

 

Now knowing it was safe, she took down her own spoonful. It didn’t burn or sting like the others, but it did have an awful taste. Instantly, she scrunched up her face,  a  _blech_ and coiling tongue trying to spit out  the bitterness. He chuckled quietly. 

 

“Yeah, sorry it don’t taste so good. But it works like a charm; you’ll feel better in no time.” 

 

After that, he led her back to bed, and she even let him walk behind her. She climbed back into the soft, fluffy sheets, where he pulled back the comforter. As she sunk in, he tucked the big quilt around her shoulders, wrapping her up gently. He even brought the duck and tucked him in by her side.

 

“There you are. Get some rest, and you should feel brand new.” He smiled down at her as she looked up, barely keeping her sleepy eyes open “But you come get me if it gets worse.” 

 

Kali nodded. She would.

 

“Okay. Sweet dreams kiddo.” 

 

She smiled up at him, pulling the sheets close to her and letting her eyes shut as he walked off. 

 

She wasn’t sure if he heard her quiet “good night..” back, but she did hear a quiet chuckle  after .

 

-

 

In a few months time, they decide it’s time to introduce her. 

 

They plan a lunch, a kind of get-together, for the neighborhood to come over to the McGregor house. To catch-up and chat, and what everyone else is thinking, meet some kind of kid who’d suddenly taken root in the family’s home. 

 

She wears another dress; at least it’s purple,  this one . Martha helps put the head band in her hair and make sure everything’s aligned, tightening the cloth bracelet around her wrist. 

 

Kali’s very nervous, still. They promise that everyone who’s coming is very nice; no one will try and hurt her, they just want to chat. There might also be kids there, for her to play with too. 

 

In the beginning, she just stays in the kitchen with her, rather then where he was greeting everyone downstairs. In no time, plenty of voices filled the house, laughter and  buoyancy. It sounded nice, but it was still a lot and Kali didn’t know any of these people so it didn’t do much to calm her. There were lots here; ones that looked like her and her new parents or not, older adults or younger people, so many Kali had never seen. Most people stayed downstairs and Kali could hear their voices flo at up. 

 

“ _I gotta say_ _, I’m surprised George – would’ve thought you’d tell us that you and Martha were adopting!”_

 

“ _Well, you know, it all came up so suddenly. Frankly, with the wait times and lines they make you go on, there was no sense in tellin’ everyone till we got some news.”_

 

No one asked any more after hearing that. 

 

As more people came, they started filling up the house and began wandering into the kitchen. It was mostly other woman. They called to her new mother with laughter and jokes ( _“Lord, do you ever stop slaving over that stove?” “Well if George could work a kitchen knife the same way he can a_ _scalpel_ _, then we wouldn’t have this problem!”_ ). They wore pressed dresses and colourful jewelry like her. When they finally notice Kali, they always greeted her with smiles. They were careful and gentle, seeming to know exactly the harshness that she feared. 

 

“Well hello hon! Is this her?” 

 

“This is.” Martha would smile, a warm hand to the younger’s back “You can say hi sweetie, it’s alright.” 

 

Kali would glance up to these women, meet their gazes with her nervous one. She never found  that  harshness though, instead a patient kindness that was familiar in the woman standing beside her. 

 

“Hi..” She’d manage to whisper. 

 

“You have a name honey?” 

 

“She hasn’t told us yet.” Martha would smile. 

 

That, most of them didn’t seem to like. Some would be quiet, just smile awkwardly and not ask anything more of  the two of them . Others found it odd enough to question. 

 

“ _Martha she..she has to have a_ name. _What did the agency tell you..?”_

 

“ _Oh, well they just gave her a case number. They said some of her files got lost, and she’s so shy you know, she hasn’t corrected us yet with anything.”_

 

“ _Oh. Well..–”_

 

“ _She came from a bad home you know. We just don’t want to pressure her..”_

 

“ _Oh how sad! That’s just terrible. Was it abuse..?”_

 

Kali watched all these interactions. Her new mom was actually very clever. She knew exactly how to get them to be quiet; say that they’re trying to be careful with her because her previous home was so bad, and then people were quick to ask questions about that, leaving the previous ones  about her name  behind. Or say that the “agency” couldn’t find her right files and then  _“Erika, is that your famous deviled eggs I see you brought?”_ and then the women would gush about her food.  Clever . 

 

Kali didn’t really leave her new mother’s side. She just sat and watched everyone; the women whip around the kitchen and help stir up the food even as Martha tried to kindly push them away. Hear them joke, loud and hearty laughter filling up the room as they lovingly berated one another. Kali smiles just a little at that. She didn’t really understand a lot of the jokes, but she liked all the laughter and the warmth soaking through. 

 

She was content to stay, but that didn’t stop her new mom from trying to usher her into the crowd. Mostly towards the other kids, who were playing together in loud boisterous groups, running amuck or idling around the t.v for cartoons. Kali was unsure; the last time she played with kids was when she was alone, spending time in the park with whoever dropped by. So she declined and declined, hiding out in the safe haven of the kitchen until – 

 

“Hi!” 

 

She’s whipped around to behind her, to the other kid  that’d  suddenly appeared . A young boy, just her age. Rosy, pale cheeks, big blue eyes, brown hair flopping over them that he tried to push away and a toothy smile. Kali quirked her head at him. 

 

“I’m Joey.” He greeted cheerily, not detered by her wary look “You’re the new kid, right?” 

 

Slowly, Kali nodded. What did he want?

 

“Cool! You wanna come hang out?”

 

She didn’t know. She observed him closely. He had a genuine heart; that was something she could see easily. She guessed it wouldn’t be the worst, but before deciding – 

 

“I think that’s a great idea!” Martha came up to them grinning, putting another hand at Kali’s back “Why don’t you go and play honey? It’s awfully boring here with us women.” 

 

She didn’t think so. But she could tell her mom was pushing the idea, and she still didn’t want to make anyone mad. So she agreed. 

 

She followed Joey, all the way into the yard. He was trying to make suggestions for things to do.

 

“We can play tag, or, uh..there’s – oh!” He raced forward, picking up the white and black patched ball laying on the grass “We can play soccer!” 

 

Kali squinted at the ball, glancing back warily to him. His smile dipped. 

 

“Do you not wanna play..?” 

 

“I don’t know..how..” 

 

That was always a big problem in playing with the other kids; often, she had no idea about their games. Some would be okay to teach her, but most would look at her funny and would scrunch their faces,  _how could she not know how?_

 

“Oh. That’s okay! It’s really easy. Here,” He tossed it back down, rolling it between his feet “all we do is kick it back and forth with each other, and then try to score a goal. Um, there!” 

 

He pointed to two bushes along the fence with just a few feet separating them. 

 

“We’ll kick it in there.” He picked it back up to come back over, grinning “Easy as a piece of cake. Swear.”

 

“Easy, as..cake..” Kali mumbled, furrowing. 

 

“Yep! Here, I’ll start.” 

 

He bounced the ball onto the concrete. It slammed into it too hard and came bouncing back to hit him right in the forehead, a loud “ow!” following.

 

Kali snorted.  A very quick laugh caught in her throat. She looked back to where he was rubbing his forehead, but once he saw her tiny smile, he started laughing too. 

 

“Yeah, I’m not so good at it yet either. Whatever. Lets go!”

 

So they do. Kali is quick to pick on things, like she used to do with the park kids. Soon, they’re racing back and forth across the yard, scoring goals on one another. Joey laughs a lot and he makes cheering noises when he scores, although he trips over over his own feet a lot. Kali starts laughing too. She’s too busy to notice her new mom standing by the doorway  of the porch door , hand over her heart and a teary smile as she watches. 

 

Kali thought Joey might go back to the others after, but he doesn’t, and they “hang out” until everything’s done. He talks quite a bit and doesn’t expect her to say much, which was good, because she didn’t really want to say much. He wasn’t nosy like the other kids, although he did ask why she doesn’t have a name. Kali tries to be as honest as she can. 

 

“ _I..can’t say it..”_

 

“ _Wow, so, it’s like a spy name? That’s cool! Like a secret identity. Hey, do you want half of this cookie?”_

 

They don’t stop hanging out till the moment Joey’s mother comes to collect him to leave. He walks out the door waving to her and she waves back, quirking her head still. He was odd, but there was something good about that too. 

 

Later, when her new mom is saying goodnight as she’s in bed, she asks about him.

 

“Well did you have fun? What do you think of him?” 

 

Kali mulls over it, staring hard down at the comforter. A loose thread  she twiddles between her finger tips.

 

“..Nice.” She finally decides, glancing up to her “He talks a lot.” 

 

Her mother laughs quietly “Yes, men tend to do an awful lot of talking. But I think he enjoyed spending time with you. Maybe we can invite him over more.” 

 

Kali stared down some more at the flowery comforter, tracing as she thought. She nodded. 

 

She smiles when she kisses her on the head goodnight and says Saturday might make a good day.

 

-

 

She  end up  learn ing the days of the week,  so that she comes to know that church is for  _Sunday_ . It’s  S unday she’s  suppose to wear the itchy, nice dress she doesn’t really like and they go the building with the chiming bells. Kali likes to look at all the people who come pouring into the pews dressed in their nicest colours, but she still doesn’t love crowds, so she sticks close. Her favourite to observe were the stained windows; bright, shining colours, sending glinting sparkles across the floor. She watches them for minutes on end,  mesmerized , not noticing her parents grinning  curiously behind her. 

 

They do lots of different things in church, those usually it’s the same different things every time. The man in the front with the billowy black gown speaks, a lot Kali thinks, about a man above and his thundering voice booms through the wooden building – not  menacing , just loud. Then, sometimes they sing; off of booklets,  from  the people in the black gowns  singing at the front, and everyone will clap and grin. Sometimes it’s  quieter , where the man in front will get them to bow their heads and send messages of good. Kali isn’t quite sure what she’s  suppose to be praying about, but it was often said you were  suppose to send love to other people, so that’s what she does. She sends hope that  she gets to stay with her new parents . That Eleven is okay, that she’s safe. Otherwise, she isn’t really sure why they’re here, other then it’s important.

 

After there’s food, and she likes that part. Then Martha and George talk for a long,  _long_ time, with other adults. 

 

Joey doesn’t go to church, so it’s just the other kids. Her new parents know lots the other adults, so sometimes she’s introduced to their kids, but that’s it. She doesn’t play with them yet. She hears George say that she’s  _got plenty of time_ . 

 

A lot of people who came live in the houses near theirs. Even their neighbour does. They spot him walking along the sidewalk after the service was done. Well really, he spots them. 

 

“Is that the McGregor’s I hear..?” 

 

He was an older man, was making his way along with a cane. Black sunglasses over his eyes and a giant smile. 

 

“You hear right sir!” George smiled back “Walkin’ home, or can we give you a lift?” 

 

“Well thank ya, but I’m fine walkin.’ Might be blind as a bat, but I know every step of the way by heart.” He chuckled, leaning closer “I do wanna hear about these rumours though..” 

 

“What rumours sir..?” 

 

“That you finally got yourselves a little one.” 

 

The adults look to each other, grinning modestly, and the wife stepped forward.

 

“Well you heard right. She’s a little shy though..” Martha gently encouraged Kali forward “Say hi honey..” 

 

Kali slowly inched forward. The older man didn’t look towards her; instead he looked off, kind of like he was hovering. His smile stayed though, seemingly very excited for whatever she might say.

 

“Hi..” 

 

At that, he chuckled warmly “Yes, she certainly sounds like it. Well welcome to the neighborhood sweetheart. You’ve got the best parents money could buy you.” 

 

Not sure what to say to that, Kali only nodded. The  adults talked some more, some kind laughs shared, and then he was on his way. They were still chatting between them when Kali watched him go; his slow and gingerly steps forward, cane roaming out ahead of him. Curious, she tugged on her new mother’s sleeve and pointed towards him. She seemed to just get exactly what she was referencing. 

 

“Oh, well, he’s blind sweetie. He can’t see.” 

 

Kali furrowed “Someone..hurt him?..” 

 

“Oh, oh no honey. That’s just..what happened.” 

 

Kali nodded, trying to understand. At least no one hurt him, like how people used to hurt her. They began walking again on their way, Kali watching the bright sunshine cast their long shadows to dance over the  concrete. She heard a concerned sigh above her. 

 

“I do worry about him though, Mr. Morris..” 

 

“Why?” Her husband questions “He’s only gotta be in his late sixties, he’s doin’ pretty well for himself.” 

 

“He’s still elderly George, and he can’t see! I sure hope someone’s lookin’ after him, especially before he goes..” 

 

Her new father scoffed, a grin starting over his lips “C’mon Martha. That old coot is still gunna be kickin’  long after we’re  all dead in the grave.” 

 

“George!” 

 

She went and pinched him in the arm, cheeks aflame. He let out an indignant “ow!” but he was still laughing anyway with his teasing grin. After a while, she started to smile a little too, trying to press it down but having no luck. Kali observes them,  a sort of softness  spreading over. The woman turned to look at her then, pointing her finger. 

 

“Don’t say that.” She reminded her, the look of seriousness slowly taken over by the grin she couldn’t help. And Kali could tell, not helping the way her lips started to turn up too. They must’ve liked that, because then they both put their hands at back, carefully ushering her forward to be in the middle of them. 

 

When Kali saw their reflection in the parked car windows, she smiled bigger. They looked just like those families she used to watch with a  forlorn heart.

 

-

 

After a couple  more  months,  after she saw that they really did want her here,  she’d decided it was okay. It was okay to finally tell the truth, to let them into who she was. 

 

She shuffles out into the living room, to the two of them on the couch reading contently. Him a newspaper, and her a book, and both looking up to her  approaching . 

 

“What is it baby?” Her mother asked, leaning towards her and book placed at her side. Her father glanced over the paper. She inched forward, hands on the couch arm to lean in closer. 

 

“..I have a name.” She said, just a whisper. Brows went up. 

 

“You do?..” Her mother prompted, a smile coming over. She could see, the young girl’s reach. An attempt to connect. The younger nodded, inching closer. 

 

“I was..scared.” She admitted, nervously hanging her head to put eyes to the floor “To say..my real name. I’m sorry..” 

 

“Oh, no, honey don’t be sorry.” Martha smiled, taking her hand to squeeze it “Would you like to tell us now..?” 

 

She nodded. Lifting her head, she met their warm and encouraging gazes paying full attention. So it  was  easy to let the letters fall out, 

 

“..It’s Kali.”

 

“Kali..” Her mother lit up, smiling even wider and eyes crinkling around the sides. She squeezed her hand again “That’s a beautiful name sweetheart..” 

 

“Kali..” Her father repeated, grin spreading “Is that with a C or and a K?” 

 

“K.” Kali nodded assuredly “K-A-L-I.” 

 

He  chuckled a bit and her new  mother giggled  too . Kali smiled  back . 

 

A couple days later, her father surprises her. He  brings her out to the front to their mailbox. Painted a perfect white, it has  _George and Martha_ scrawled on the side in black. Or, it had. Now, it has  _George, Martha & Kali_ on it.

 

“There you go.” He smiled at her gaping expression “Now everyone knows we are a family of three.” 

 

Blinking through tears, her finger traces over; over the graciously painted letters, their loops and smooth glides. It didn’t smear. It was really real. The family of three.

 

The family she’d been hoping so hard for, they were really real. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now see that the beginning parts probably could've been put in the last chapter, but oh well :P I also realize that know I'm powering through the story pretty fast, but that's simply because we have to go through Kali's entire life, meaning we have to go through a few years in a relatively short span. And again, we may be losing our internet access soon, so :P Anyway, hope you all enjoyed that!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So it's been a while. I'll be honest to say that I had to take a bit of a break from this; it was one of those cases you know, where I had to stop working on a project because if I didn't I was going to completely hate it/internally combust. Turns out having energy to slowly slug away on a project is not one of my strong suits. 
> 
> But hopefully this long and pretty fluffy chapter will make up for it!

Ever since the party,  Kali starts seeing Joey more.

 

He started coming around the house. Often he’d appear at the door, his bike by his side and wearing a big grin. He’d ask her to come hang out and play –  _ go on an adventure.  _

 

She mostly went because her mother encouraged her to, but after a while, she started to go without prompting. The weather was starting to get warm anyway, the constant stream of sunlight making the house too hot to stay in, her mother saying  _ it’s too nice to stay cooped up.  _ She’d sit on the back of his bike and off they’d go, to whatever adventure Joey decided on. They’d race through the suburban streets, zooming by the white picket fences and green lawns; by husbands mowing grass, the moms pushing their babies in the strollers, kids playing with chalk who’d yell and wave at Joey and he’d do the same back. Kali did like the bike rides; she liked watching each house go past, counting them, and feeling the wind brushing by her cheeks, sometimes even standing up so she could hold her arms out and have the gusts whirling around her.

 

She liked that they could really go anywhere, if they wanted. There were no walls keeping them in.

 

But they don’t (mostly ‘cause their parents wouldn’t like it). Where they did like to go, where he took her, was the back woods behind the complex. A thick forest, miles long, with trees shooting all the way into the blue sky and heavy dirt floor made of leaves and moss, paths worn in by the many hikers and travelers. It was awfully quiet in there, something Kali didn’t like at first, but thankfully all Joey did was talk. About the explorations he had here, why the leaves change, or even about his home, mom and dad and his dog Scout, or even about middle school, where he says it’s cool she doesn’t have to go yet because it’s lame anyway. 

 

Only once did he ask about her life. When they were sitting up the tree together, the big oak he’d taught her how to climb, perched on the thick branch with their legs dangling down and munching on the sandwhiches his mother packed, 

 

“What about you..?” 

 

“What?..” 

 

“I...I heard, that..” He was looking away from her, muttering down as he picked at his food “it was..really bad, in your home..before-before you came here...” 

 

Kali furrowed down to the dirt floor below them. She still never liked talking about it; her stomach would tighten up and she feels inexplicably nervous. 

 

“Yes. It was bad..” 

 

“What..what did they do..?” He whispered, almost afraid to say but eyes still bugged with curiosity. 

 

“Bad things...” 

 

“They hurt you..?” 

 

Kali nodded solemnly. He furrowed, almost a glare – upset, in the kind of way Kali saw her parents look, when she mentioned how bad the whitecoats could be.

 

“Wow. I’m really sorry. Those guys are assholes.” He declared, stormy eyes suddenly popping out with panic “Wait – don’t tell your mom I said that! She’ll totally kick my butt.” 

 

Kali squinted “What..?” 

 

“Asshole.”

 

“Why?..” 

 

“Well, you know – ‘cause it’s a swear. You’re not supposte to say it.” 

 

“How come?..” 

 

His brow pinched, a period of silence where he thought hard about it “...I don’t really know. You just don’t. Adults really hate it when you do.” 

 

“Oh.” Kali furrowed, thinking it was weird to have words you couldn’t speak “..Asshole?” 

 

“Yeah – you know, like a stupid person, a jerk. There’s other stuff; shit, piss, damn, or other worse ones.” 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“You can say it here though; it’s just us, and no one can hear.” He told her, a second after placing his food down to cup his mouth, throwing back his head to holler “Shithead!!” 

 

The word echoed around the empty woods, startling a patch of birds nearby to send them flying. He grinned back at her, pleased with his joke, and Kali couldn’t help but giggle a little. 

 

“..My mother would never hurt you, you know. She’s nice..” 

 

“Oh, I know that. But even nice moms can kick your butt. I know; it’s why my dad is a little afraid of my mom, even if he says he isn’t.” 

 

Kali starts smiling “Mine too..” 

 

The woods became their favourite place. That became their spot, their safe haven. Where they had the rope swing, something Kali was a little afraid to go on until Joey demonstrated how fun it was, and then it became her favourite thing. Or the little pond, filled with the minnows they failed to catch, or where he showed her how to skip rocks – a very hard skill she became especially proud of when she finally mastered it.

 

They might go around the neighbourhood. They’ll go to the nearby park; do dares to see who could swing higher or who could hang longer upside down on the monkey bars. They race around on the bike; Joey’s portable radio strapped to the front as he sings along. They even went down the big hill that was near the outskirts of town; the McCallen road that was an almost straight plummet down. Wracked with anxiety and a kind of daring nerve only known to young kids, Joey sent them straight down. Kali remembers how tightly she gripped onto him, eyes squeezed shut and the wind ripping right by, across her skin and clothes to tear her apart. She remembers Joey’s wild laughter and the moment she dared to open her eyes, seeing the world smearing past them and how they very well lifted off the asphalt.

 

And how that freefalling felt to make them invincible. 

 

Her mom always encourages her to bring Joey over. They usually do that when there’s too many kids at the park, or it’s raining or too hot outside. They’ll sit in the living room, watch cartoons or movies, with a bowl of popcorn between them as Joey attempts to catch kernals in his mouth. They have to watch those shows because her mother is usually around, but the minute she steps out to the store or just to take the weeds out of the garden, they switch it to the horror channel. They crouch under the blankets in the fort Joey built, cautiously peeking over to watch the grotesque monsters and blood squirting everywhere. Kali liked the horror channels, even if they were really spooky sometimes. 

 

She thinks she likes them more then him. He usually watches with the blanket thrown over his head, occasionally peeking out and ducking right under after with a shout. Kali becomes a little worried after a while. 

 

“Are you scared..?” 

 

“No!” He quickly squeaks in reply, almost angrily Kali thought. He didn’t come out of the blanket though.

 

“...We can turn it off..” 

 

“No!” 

 

Kali waited. Eventually, she just shuffled over and flicked the t.v knob to off. They sat very quietly after that. 

 

“...Thanks.” Joey finally said, muffled by the blanket. 

 

“S’ok.” 

 

“Don’t tell anyone I was scared okay?” He yanks the blanket over and off his head, making the brown locks stand up on end, looking right at her with pleading eyes “I don’t want them to make fun of me..” 

 

“I won’t.” Kali furrowed, confused as to why he thought she would. She didn’t have anyone to tell even if she wanted to. 

 

“Thanks. You’re a good friend you know..” 

 

“Friend?”

 

“Yeah, you know, friends?” Joey squinted; he was used to Kali not knowing many things by now, but surely she had to know what friends are “The people you hang out with, who you care about. I think we’re good friends.” 

 

Friends. Kali had only heard about the concept; from the books where the kids all hang out together, or the shows when they go on adventures together. And now her and Joey;  _ friends,  _ like how Calvin was Meg’s friend in  _ A Wrinkle in Time _ , and how everyone was friends in the gang on  _ Scooby-Doo.  _ For forever, it was always something she’d heard of then had. 

 

And now she had Joey. 

 

She begins smiling without thought.

 

“Friends..” 

 

-

 

She started learning a lot more here. 

 

Her father knows lots of things. He spends time reading the many books in his study or the newpaper over his morning eggs and toast. And he likes to tell her about them. 

 

He’ll hold the globe they have in the living room around for her; she’ll spin it, point to a random place, and he tells her all about it; the people living there, if it’s hot or cold or wet, if they have polar bears or camals. At night, he can point out the shining planets out of the black sky. He knew how the water came out of the taps in the house and how the fridge always stays cold. 

 

Kali starts asking him more, how, and why. She might spot something and get him to answer. The other day, after it’d been raining, she saw a bright splay of colours spread over the sky. Totally mystified, she’d rushed over to him, snatched his sleeve and dragged him to the window to point desperately for an explanation. 

 

“ _Oh that? That’s a rainbow! Pretty ain’t it? See, that’s got to do with the sun, and the sunrays – now, when it hits the earth...”_

 

Often, the things he talked about were big and hard to understand. Thankfully he always stood with her until she got it; his explanations were careful and detailed so she could understand, but never like she was too young to really grasp it. She liked them. She liked hearing about all the weird ways things worked that’d been kept from her. Either from him when they were out, or when he reads the stories to her at night when she snuggles into bed. 

 

She mostly likes learning from him. She knows the other kids go to school, but she can’t go to school. That was okay, she still didn’t love big groups of kids, though she still liked to learn. He must’ve seen that, for one day he comes to her with a proposition.

 

He talks about a tutor; someone to come in and teach her stuff. Real big stuff, that he can’t teach her in his own short time. She wasn’t sure what there was that he couldn’t do, but it interested her enough to say yes.

 

Nothing really came of it until later. Her mother had some friends over, the women sat around the table with lemonade and Kali in her spot with her colouring book, occasionally listening. Her mother must’ve said that they were looking for someone to tutor her when one interjected, 

 

“ _Well I got your solution! Tracy can do it!”_

 

“ _What? Tutor?”_

 

“ _For sure!”_

 

“ _Oh, I couldn’t ask her to do that..–”_

 

“ _Don’t give me that! She can for sure do it, she’s been looking for extra spendin’ money anyway. She’d love to.”_

 

So it was settled then; it would be the teenage daughter. Kali didn’t really know what to expect with this girl. The day she comes over, she’s ushered to the door to greet her. And Kali watches her mother open the door, smiles and cheery greetings exchanged. Kali tried to peer closer towards the girly, upbeat voice, but then the older woman stepped back so they could be introduced. 

 

A girl, somewhat older then Kali, but for sure younger then her mother. Darker skin and cheery brown eyes, her black hair primed right back in a perfect bun. A modest knee-length skirt and turtleneck sweater to match, hoop earrings and bracelets that jangled as she walked. There was a glossy shine over her lips that Kali caught in the light. 

 

“Hey!” She smiled brightly, right at Kali as she approached “It’s nice to meet you!” 

 

Kali only stared, her jaw slightly open and not entirely sure what to say. Her face was all warm. Once Tracy smiled though, she suddenly broke out in one too. 

 

“Hi..” She gasped.

 

“Well look at that!” Martha grinned with surprise “Looks like it’s a match made in heaven already!” 

 

The next hour was just to get to know one another. Tracy talked about her A grades and what subjects she could teach and what days work for her. Kali just sits and watches her, listening to the flow of her voice. She asks Kali plenty of questions and the younger talks about the books her father reads her, that  _ A Wrinkle in Time  _ was her favourite. Tracy said she loved that one too.

 

Martha looks like she likes her too. She walks Tracy to the door, and Kali can just hear them talking. 

 

“ _I should tell you, she’s lovely, but an awfully shy girl, so..”_

 

“ _Oh, that’s not a problem! She’s sweet; I’m honestly surprised you say that, at least from what I see.”_

 

“ _Yes, she seems to have warmed right up to you! You’ll have to teach me your secret.”_

 

When it’s over, she finds Kali on the couch and sits right beside her. 

 

“So what do you think baby? Should we pick her or do you want to keep –”

 

Kali nods so fast it cuts her mother right off in surprise. She adds a “please” a second after, something she was picking up on. 

 

“Really?” She rose a brow, smile pulling at the corners “You know already?”

 

Kali kept nodding. She was so adamant that her mother called the family that night that Tracy was welcome to start as soon as she could.

 

Kali barely got much sleep that night she was so excited.

 

-

 

She likes studying with Tracy. 

 

Really, really likes it. Even more then with her father.

 

The lessons are always interesting. And even if they aren’t, Tracy finds a way to make them interesting. They learn all about math equations and how the weather forms and she reads plenty new books.

 

Tracy was a very good teacher, near as good as her father. Kali held onto every word she said. She sometimes had to remember to pay attention to the lesson, rather then watch the glossy lips or deep brown eyes. Watching always made her feel warm inside. Tracy always encourages her, tells her she’s doing a good job even if she struggles a bit, and always celebrates when she gets a good mark in the end. Even when Papa would tell her  _ good job, _ it never used to feel like it.

 

With her, it always does. 

 

She likes to sit as close as possible to the older girl. Sometimes their arms or legs will brush, or Kali will lean in extra close. She always smelled so nice. Like flowers, something pretty and soft. 

 

One day, she accidentally left her scarf behind. When no one was watching, Kali would wrap it tightly around her neck and breathe in the scent of strawberry shampoo. It was a full week after when she reminds the teen that she left it here. 

 

And Kali remembers the day she aced all her spelling quizzes. Tracy had hugged her super tight  when she’d given her the A+, Kali feeling her heart beating wildly against the warm body enveloping her. 

 

“You did such a great job!” Tracy praised, beaming down at her “You’re like..my shining star, aren’t you?” 

 

Kali gaped up with wide and happy eyes “I..I am..?” 

 

“Uh-huh. I’ve tutored other kids before, but I think you’re my favourite.” She grinned  at her, like it was just for her “My shining star..”

 

Kali  didn’t stop grinning for the rest of the day. 

 

-

 

As time went on, Kali got to know some of the other kids.

 

Well, really, Joey introduced her. He had some friends that he wanted her to meet, something he was excited for even though she was nervous. She guessed, these kids would be nice if Joey hung out with them.

 

They met up at the park, where Kali immediately spotted a group of boys idling around the swings. They were all around the same age, two the size of Joey, and one bigger with his head nearly shaved and arms crossed. Kali already didn’t like the look of him. She kept close behind Joey when they walked up. 

 

“Hey guys!” Joey greeted heartily. They didn’t respond, instead eyeing Kali oddly. 

 

“Who’s this..?” The one with flaming red hair asks. 

 

“Oh – this is Kali.” 

 

“You’re the new kid right?” The other prompts. Kali nodded. 

 

“Joey what’re you doing?!” The biggest one snarled. He stepped forward to angrily tower over the both of them. Kali furrowed up at his beady glare. 

 

“You can’t bring a girl here with us!” 

 

“Why not?” 

 

“‘Cause!” He only fumed more, Kali wondering what it was she did to make him upset “This is  _ our  _ group, and you can’t bring in someone new!” 

 

The redhead tried to interject “C’mon Bruce –”

 

“No!”

 

“She’s my friend too Bruce..” Joey spoke quietly. Bruce glared harder, stepping up to be nearly chest to chest with her friend. Kali noted the way he shrunk, getting her shoulders to prick and her fist to tighten. 

 

“Oh yeah? Why? You like her or something?” 

 

He angrily prodded Joey’s shoulder. The smaller boy shriveled down, gaze kept to the gravel below. Alarm bells started going off in Kali, not understanding why, if this boy was suppose to be a friend, he was treating him like that.

 

“No..” 

 

“Yeah right. You probably have a big crush on her.” He raised his hand for a shove – 

 

Kali ran in and knocked the arm away. The boy, Bruce, stumbled back, shock painted all over him. The others were completely silent with their wide-eyes, adding to the thick tension. Kali glared up, meeting his eyes. 

 

“Don’t do that.”

 

She steeled herself in case, but Bruce did nothing. He glared harder, not inching away, the thick quiet held in the air as he thought. Less anything else happen, Joey quickly broke in, saying what did it matter now – that he found some great back trails for exploring, why don’t they do that? He looked relieved when Bruce eventually backed away, Kali’s hard eyes still on the back of his head. 

 

So they go, exploring old dirt pathways and secret places on their bikes, with Kali on the back of Joey’s. They’ll do a few more thing together as the days go on, building boats to float down the river or racing their race cars.

 

Kali usually tags along for these activities. The other boys don’t seem to care, except for Bruce. Sometimes he might ignore her, other times try to leave her out of what they’re doing, or tell her she can’t join them.  _ He’s just gotta get to know you,  _ Joey had said. When they did try to do boat races, he’d snatched the materials right from her hands. 

 

“ _You can’t do this! Girls can’t build boats!”_

 

When she gets her supplies back, she wins the boat race. 

 

That seemed to be his excuse a lot of the time, which confused Kali, ‘cause it didn’t seem that there wasn’t much she could do that they boys couldn’t. She came in second in their foot race when Bruce claimed she’d be stuck behind. When they held arm wresting torments, Kali won three of the matches. 

 

This didn’t really seem to change Bruce’s mind, though.

 

The other boys don’t act as badly to her. Peter who had bony arms and a laugh a bit like a hyena, talks to them nonstop, even to Kali, and he likes to tell her jokes. She didn’t get them firsthand ( _“What kind_ _of tree fits in your hand?” “What..?” “_ _A palm tree!” “...”_ ), but after some explaining she thought they were pretty funny. Ralph, with the bright hair, loves science; when they go to explore, he enjoys talking to them about river currents and the way moss grows. The day they spend at the general store gathering snacks, he shows Kali one of his nature books, pointing out the cool facts of all the various animals and insects. Kali leans in with curiosity, examining the pages. 

 

“I like butterflies...” She says after Ralph is done talking about centipedes, pointing to the photo of the butterfly perched on the log, wings spread out in a shinning crystal blue. 

 

“Oh yeah – most girls usually do. I guess butterflies are kinda cool; they’re wings are made of scales you know! So if you actually rub it’s wings, the scales will fall off and...” 

 

She mostly likes spending time with Joey then really hanging out with the three of them; he always includes her and never tries to put her down for being a girl. But she guessed the other boys weren’t so awful, in comparison. 

 

Though, she really hadn’t spend much time with any other kids, to contrast or make friends. She knew, at least from distantly observing, some were kind like Joey, others rougher like his friends. But, it would very much surprise her, the kind of cruelty they found one day after walking back from bike racing. 

 

They were moving through that big field that was just off of the playground; it was usually used for soccer games or kids playing tag. That day, there was a group of boys huddled together, a bunch hovering around some kind of noisy spectacle. They draw a bit closer as they walk by, Kali squinting to see and pulling at Joey’s arm.

 

“What’re they doing..?” 

 

“Oh, um...” Joey seemed nervous to say, like he already knew “I-I dunno, probably nothing..” 

 

It wasn’t simply nothing, she’d find out. In the center of the gathered kids, Kali could spot two boys in the middle. One was much bigger, and he was holding a younger boy up, his arm locked tightly around his throat. It was easy to tell the smaller didn’t like it; his fingers were desperately trying to pull the arm away, legs kicking and face contorted in pain. The elder was grinning, some other boys around laughing. 

 

They were hurting him, on purpose. 

 

Anger flared up in Kali and she marched right over without a second thought. She could hear Joey and the others calling behind for her to stop. She approached the crowd, trying to weave her way through. The older boy was mock-yelling at the younger over something. 

 

“C’mon Cyrus, I know you’re holding out on me!” 

 

“I told you! I-I don’t got –  _ grunt _ – got the money!” 

 

“Don’t have it huh? Well I guess you’ll have to suffer the consequences –”

 

“Stop that.” 

 

Everyone spins towards Kali, shocked silence in being caught. The eldest boy simply glares at her.

 

“Who the hell are you?!” 

 

Kali ignores him, glaring harder “Let him go.”

 

“Or what? You’re gunna make me?” 

 

Her friends had finally caught up, panting as they formed behind her. Bruce stepped nearer the boy. 

 

“C’mon Terrance, let em’ go.” 

 

“What’re you gunna do Bruce? I beat your ass clean last time.” 

 

Kali felt her sleeve being tugged, Joey anxiously whispering to her. 

 

“C’mon Kali, we should get out of here..” 

 

“Yeah, get outta here!” He sneered over at Kali “Not like you could beat me anyway – probably too worried about breaking a nail!”

 

They started laughing, pointed directly at her. Kali tightened her fist, her anger worsening. Her friends had started moving away, leaving the poor young boy to be tormented. The bully, having decided that this conversation was over, turned away to further hurt his victim. Kali still wasn’t done, however.

 

In the next few, slow seconds she evaluated the scene; she’d learned how to do it in minuscule time, fending for herself in streets and alleys. Noting that if she could push past the two boys hovering around the torment, then she could deliver an action to the bully that’d proved her very useful in defending herself from those men.

 

Before the boys could blink, they watched Kali rush forward, nimble and ridiculously fast. She grabbed the two boys by the shoulders to quickly shove them away, already out of reach before they could dive for her. She runs to the middle towards the two, and with one sharp movement, she raised her leg and kicked him right between his own two. 

 

The crowd erupted into noise, gasps and hollers with bugged eyes. With a dying yelp, the bully buckled easily, gasping like a fish on land as he crashed to the grass below. Her friends were yelling behind her, shocked exclamations,  _holy shit did you see what she did_ or  _that was insane!_

 

Kali watched the younger boy, now free from the death lock, scramble out underneath and out of reach. Good, that was all she wanted. She turned and began walking away – 

 

Rough hands hit her back and shoved her harshly. She hit the grass with a hard  _thud_ , stomach aching and nose throbbing.  T he boys were  right  beside her, Joey helping her up with demands to know if she was okay. She got back up on shaky legs, disorientated but alright – despite the blood trickling out of her nose. It wasn’t broken, just a little bent up after hitting the grass so hard. Terrance stood behind her, still wilted but snarling as he shouted,

 

_Yeah you bitch you think you can just –_

 

Kali feels a hand snatching her shirt and the reflexes from fighting off  years of  cruel hands clicked in instantly. She whirled around and her elbow smashed against his face, sending him stumbling. 

 

More screaming, the crowd circl ing around, egging them with the others pushing the bully,  _you gunna let a girl do that to you Terr?!,_ to Peter in the back jumping excitedly  _get him, get that asshole!_

 

And Kali probably would’ve. She’s lived and survived this far to not stand for any abuse, and one pubescent boy hurling insults hardly terrified her after what she’s been through. A bloody nose and gritted glare, she waited to see as he, now with a blooming bruise across his face, lurched for her – 

 

Joey ran in, screaming and hollering bloody murder, and  _tackled_ Terrance. They crashed down below and Kali watched with wide-eyes, her friend doing his mightiest to tear into the older boy. Now the boys were really excited, yelling for Joey to  _get him get him_ . 

 

But Kali knew better, knew Joey wasn’t clever enough like she to use his smallness at his advantage. So in no time, Terrance had him flipped over and began wailing on him. Soon he was covered in purple marks and red cuts. Now it was Kali who was screaming with fear, rushing in and throwing herself over, angry fists yanking at Terrance and sharp hits to do anything to save her friend.

 

It was mayhem in just a couple seconds. Hits and punches and kicks were thrown, nails embedded into skin, the two friends doing all they could to salvage the other. Soon the other boys, calling for Terrance’s win, started descending on the other three, delivering punches and shoves and insults. Violence raved through the back field, blood staining grass and clothes, no call to the end until – 

 

Bruce wretched himself free and shouted with all his might as he held up something sliver and sharp above everyone’s heads, 

 

“ _I have a knife!!”_

 

Everyone stopped. The others backed away and the main brawl between the three paused, Kali and Joey glancing up to see Bruce waving that swiss army knife he always bragged about his brother giving him. Terrance too, saw, pale as a sheet as Bruce glared at him and pointed it down. 

 

“That’s right, and my brother taught me how to use it too!” He snarled, jabbing it towards the bully “So you get the hell out of here Terrance!” 

 

He needn't give a second warning; Terrance scrambled out from the fight and started booking it away as fast as he could. Everyone else began dispersing, tails between legs. 

 

Kali and Joey lay broken and bruised on the ground, hands still grasped onto each other. Their friends were right at their aid, Kali feeling herself being carefully pulled to her feet by none other then Bruce –  _you alright..?_ After checking that everyone was at least not threateningly injured, they needed to go off to find an adult to salvage the mess. 

 

The only ones closest, were Kali’s parents, the young girl already incredibly nervous for how they’d react; at this point, she’d been a perfectly good child, never getting into things she shouldn’t. Thankfully, her parents weren’t mad – just extremely concerned. Her mother went up in a flutter, rushing over to wipe away the blood crusted over Kali’s cheeks and to get the first aid kits. They’d have to send the other boys away, her mother fixing up Kali and Joey, and afterwards sitting them down to have a  _talk_ . 

 

They drilled them, and Joey spilled words and explanations, clearly trying to save Kali from her own possible doom. Eventually, her father had to nicely though firmly cut him off to say  _we need to hear from our daughter, son._

 

Kali hadn’t spoken at all, only shriveled up under the questioning gazes. Her mother sighed and leaned forward to her daughter, 

 

“Why’d you do it baby..?” 

 

Kali looked up then, meeting the eyes with a pinched brow and intense gaze of someone wiser then her age. She spoke like it was obvious. 

 

“He was hurting him.” 

 

The parents become quiet. Her father moves in closer too, this time with a softer look. 

 

“So you wanted to help him..?” 

 

Kali nodded “..No one else was. He was hurting him..for no reason..” 

 

It stays quiet, where the kids could tell the adults were evaluating. Eventually, they exchanged a look that was near a smile. 

 

“Well,” her father speaks gently, trying to show nothing but there was secret pride hidden in his eyes “I guess it’s a little hard to be mad at that..” 

 

Her only punishment was no t.v for a week, which wasn’t so bad, considering. Joey’s parents were less lenient though, and gave him a weeks grounding. 

 

But afterwards, things became normal again. Or, sort of normal. Bruce starts, in a way, being  _nice to her_ . It wasn’t like they talked or anything, or hung out outside the five of them, but he doesn’t ignore her or try to push her out anymore. He lets her in, if not outright including her. 

 

“I think he thinks what you did was cool.” Joey tells her later “How you fought off Terrance for Cyrus.” 

 

He never says that, but Kali gets it. She guessed, he wasn’t so awful anymore – now that he wasn’t being mean to her. It was nice now, with the four of them welcoming her, their adventures of who could climb highest on the tree and splitting quarters for Slushies were pretty great.

 

Even if they were a little different, friends were still pretty great.

 

-

 

There remained some things, that Kali didn’t quite get even through her learning. 

 

Crushes were one of those things. It started with  Ralph demanding information out of her. He needed to know, less he very well lose his mind, which girls liked better – ladybugs or dragonflies. 

 

“Why  is he asking..?” Kali questioned Joey after telling Ralph girls probably didn’t like bugs at all, leaving him to frustratingly come up with a new plan.

 

“Oh, it’s cause he has a crush on Cynthia, who’ s in his after school science club. ”

 

“Crush..?” 

 

“Yeah, you know. A crush. When you like like someone.”

 

Kali stared blankly. 

 

“It’s um..it’s kinda like parents, you know. I mean, parents love each other or whatever, which I think is... _ better. _ .then a crush. When you kiss and other...stuff. It’s just a person you wanna kiss and whatever.”

 

Kali guessed she understood. She knew about parents; she saw when her mother greeted her father with a kiss when he came home, the weddings that happen at their church, the drive-in movies for dates they show on t.v shows. She knows, sometimes the boys will talk about the cutest girl in their class and she knows the girls gossip about boys in church youth group. But, it was never really anything she got into, nor understood. 

 

Sometimes her parents did those things too, to her, or from other adults. Like when she’s checking out books from the library and the elder woman behind the desk raises her eyebrow at the thick covers and titles she’s taking out. 

 

“Wow, these are quite advanced books for someone your age!” She praised. Kali nodded; she was just curious, and even if she didn’t understand them sometimes, she enjoyed finding out about all the things she’d never heard of.

 

“My mom says..I’m..mature..for, my age..” 

 

“Looks like it!” She grins, leaning in like she was sharing a secret “You got a  _ boyfriend  _ yet  then ?..” 

 

Kali furrowed, feeling her stomach sink. Of course she didn’t; she didn’t really think she wanted one. She thinks she muttered out a “no..” and snatched her books when the woman was done, running out as fast as possible. 

 

Like her father, who made loving, though somewhat stern, remarks about the boys she hangs out with. Her mother always brushed him off,  _ she’s still so young George _ , but it wasn’t her he was worried about he said, it was those boys. 

 

“I’ll have to start keepin’ a closer eye on em’, huh?” He joked, Kali catching just the smallest lace of roughness around it too, of fatherly protection perhaps. 

 

“Oh George, you’re worried over nothing.” Her mother told him from her spot busying at the kitchen counter “That little Joey’s sweet as a peach, he wouldn’t do anything.” 

 

“It’s not..like that.” Kali mumbled. She waddled over to the table, attempting to balance the stack of plates in her hands.

 

“See hun?” 

 

He just made some grumbling noises, shaking out his newspaper.

 

“Besides  s he knows how to stand her own with those boys.” The older woman smiled secretly, beaming down at the young girl “Don’t you baby?” 

 

Kali nodded, gracefully placing the plates down and shuffling them. 

 

“Bruce doesn’t bother me anymore.” She told them “He knows now.” 

 

Her father raises a brow, but soon is chuckling to himself, grinning at his favourite girls. 

 

“Little thing with a  bit of fight .” He says, watching his wife “Just like her mama..” 

 

Kali  grins .  Her mom doesn’t say anything, still smiling when she put down the chicken she’d cut up. She just  thwacks the back of his head  with the dish towel  when she walks by later. 

 

Her mother might even  do it  too,  w hen she was trying to get Kali to do some chopping to make a fruit salad for the neighbour’s party tonight. Kali only glumly poked at the fruit,  in no way  seeing the interest of cooking.

 

“It’s boring..” She muttered, letting her chin rest on the edge of the counter to glare at the bowl. 

 

“No lip from you, and cut that fruit.” Her mother instructed, tapping the cutting board in front of Kali “You’re gunna have to know this one day, you know.” 

 

“Why?” Kali furrowed, slowly starting to make a slice down the strawberry.

 

“Well, how else you gunna feed a family? Lord knows husbands don’t know how to do it.” 

 

Kali squinted sourly. She didn’t want to do that. Cooking was boring, and frankly, if she had a husband, and he was hungry, he could cook food for himself. But in reality, the thing she most didn’t wanna do was have one of those. 

 

“But marriage is gross.” 

 

Her mother only laughed, shaking her head to herself “I know you think that way now baby, but it’ll change.” 

 

She didn’t think it would. It would always seem gross. 

 

“Do I have to marry a husband..?” 

 

“Who else are you gunna marry?” She smiled down at Kali. 

 

The younger’s stomach twisted up. She thought, maybe, she’d like to marry Tracy. She had a panicked thought then, gaping up at her.

 

“Do I have to marry Joey?!” 

 

She laughed louder “No honey, you don’t have to marry Joey.” 

 

Oh. Good. Kali sighed. She liked Joey as her friend, only. She still didn’t want to marry a husband though. 

 

She wasn’t sure who else she’d pick. 

 

In the end, she just decided to leave it. Silently chopping things for the dinner and letting her mother talk, distantly, about  all the people they’ll be seeing tonight. 

 

She didn’t think too much more about these conversations. If she didn’t want a husband or boyfriend, or even crush, then she just wasn’t going to do that. Simple. 

 

She still didn’t know who  else  she’d have instead. She figured she’d cross that bridge when she got there.

 

She didn’t dwell anymore, until the day Joey invites her over to hang out. They were going over to Bruce’s apparently, as he was calling everyone over for something  quite important. Kali still didn’t really enjoy Bruce’s company, but Joey was adamant, so she gave in. 

 

The second they got to his place though, walking into his bedroom with all the other boys gathered there, they were met with hostility. 

 

“Why’d you bring her???” Bruce hissed, glaring over at Joey. The smaller boy furrowed back. 

 

“..I dunno, she always hangs out with us.” 

 

“Well she  _ can’t! _ I told you I had a surprise!” 

 

“Why can’t I stay?” Kali asked, folding her arms. She thought they were  past this.

 

Bruce sighed “Because it’s  _ boy’s stuff.” _

 

“You said that before, but, I can do..whatever boys stuff you do!” Kali counteracted.

 

“But this time I really mean it! You’ll just think it’s gross anyway!”

 

“C’mon Bruce, who cares?!” Ralph broke in “Just show us!” 

 

Grumbling, he went back to his bag, unzipping it. He grabbed something inside, something folded and  furled , and slowly pulled it out all while hovering over,  like  at any second an adult was going to burst in. He held it close to him, concealed with his back to Kali, but the boys were able to catch a glimpse. Eyes popped out and they  immediately  rushed him to circle around.

 

“Woah!” 

 

“Holy shit!” 

 

“Is that what I think it is?!” 

 

“What?! What is it?!” Kali demanded, trying to wedge her way in by pulling their shoulders back “C’mon, let me see!” 

 

“No! You’ll just tell!”

 

“C’mon Bruce, it’s only fair.” Joey reasoned. 

 

“I won’t  _ tell.”  _ Kali argued.

 

He glared back at them, but slowly started to delude, inching back for her. 

 

“..You swear not to tell? On your mom’s grave?” 

 

Kali tried not to roll her eyes “Yeah, I promise. I won’t tell.” 

 

He looked to think on it, evaluating her for her word. Eventually, he relented, pulling the surprise out. 

 

“ _ Fine, _ as long as you don’t tell. And no one else does too!” 

 

With that said, the friends quickly huddled around. Bruce held a magazine in his hands, one with a logo Kali didn’t recognize, different then the ones her mother kept around the house. And maybe that had to do with the naked woman on the cover wearing bunny ears. Her eyes went wide.  T he boys started grinning and grabbing at it. 

 

“Damn – that’s a real playboy?!” 

 

“Sure is.” Bruce grinned proudly. 

 

“Where’d you get this?!” Joey asked, yanking at the pages. 

 

“From my dad’s car – he keeps em’ there, in the glove compartment.” 

 

“What..what is it..?” Kali asked curiously, already leaning in close to see. 

 

“It’s pictures of naked  _ girls. _ So  _ you  _ wouldn’t like it.” He explained somewhat obnoxiously. She glared right back at him. 

 

“C’mon guys, stop wasting time – lets just look at it!” 

 

They do, huddled on the other side of Bruce’s bed, blocked from the door, with one person occasionally getting up to check for parents. They went over each page slowly,  _ wows  _ and giggles from the boys. Kali rolled her eyes at them, but she too, was paying close attention to every detail. Something in her told her she probably shouldn’t be looking at this –  and  not just because kids weren’t suppose to have this, but that  _ she, _ specifically, shouldn’t be looking at this. 

 

But she did. She looked just as much as the boys did. Her eyes roamed over naked skin and chests and long legs. She thought the girls in the magazine looked so pretty. Long lashes and graceful, flowing hair that she wanted to trail her fingers through. She remembered the heat in her cheeks and how her stomach felt tight,  though not in a bad way. She was disappointed when they eventually had to put it away. 

 

When Joey later dropped her off at her doorway, he’d looked rather sheepish.

 

“I know that stuff was kinda..gross, or whatever. Hope it didn’t weird you out too much.” 

 

“No, it’s okay.” Kali told him truthfully “It wasn’t.” 

 

“Right. Okay. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow!” 

 

He gave her an especially long hug goodbye, one she could only half return with her single arm around him. 

 

When she went to bed, all she could do was think about the magazine. Her mind retraced the photos and the hips and breasts and the tight feeling in her stomach. And she realized, maybe that was the someone  else that she’d like to have instead.

 

She didn’t get any sleep.

 

-

 

As Kali comes to know her family, her friends and the world again, time starts moving over her quicker. Seasons would morph, bringing new things and memories with their changes.

 

It would change from trips to wade through the river and eating too many popsicles to save yourself from the sweltering summer, into brisker air and earlier sunsets. Her father starts going to work more and the boys spend their time now at school – something they were already complaining about beforehand. 

 

“Back to stupid homework and Mrs. Messner’s boring lectures.” Peter had grumbled, kicking up rubble next to the train track they followed. 

 

“Hey, maybe Kali can come with us this semester!” Ralph brought up. She didn’t share his excitement, glancing down to her sneakers 

 

“Don’t think I’m allowed yet..” She mumbled; her parents probably wouldn’t let her go yet, nor did she want to give up studying with Tracy. 

 

“Yeah, though wouldn’t it be cool if Kali came and Terrance saw she was there?” Bruce grinned from his spot ahead of the pack. 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“Everyone knows what you did at school.” Joey explained to her “That you beat him up, and they think it’s really cool.  _ And, _ it makes us super cool too, since we’re all friends.” 

 

He grinned especially wide, pretending to fluff up his collar. Kali snorted, shoving his arm.

 

“Shithead..” 

 

But school does come, bringing fall with it. Kali spends more time reading, given it was a bit colder outside now to go explore the woods, and that she had no one to go with. Usually, her mom will drop her at the library when she goes across the plaza for groceries, and Kali will spend her time lounging on bean bags to read and expand her vocabulary even past the boys’. Fall brings all the pretty colours – the reds, oranges and yellows. Her mom shows her how to make lea f presses and her dad lets her jump in the piles after her rakes them up, grinning as she laughs when she takes the  carefree  fall through the air and the leaves explode everywhere. 

 

It brings Halloween. Halloween was but another concept Kali had heard of and had never taken in, making her all the more excited for it. She learns the tradition of pumpkin  carving ; her family goes out and they pick the best pumpkin from the farm patch, working together to carve the scary face Kali wanted, chewing on roasted pumpkin seeds with her squealing at her father trying to put pumpkin guts in her hair. 

 

The boys feverishly planned for costumes, Joey happily telling her he was going to be. It took her a while to decide, but eventually she picks the perfect thing – a butterfly, her favourite creature. The night of, she dons glittery tights and a rainbow striped sweater, the plastic shimery wings strapped on her back. Her mother spends hours painting, carefully, colourful wings across her cheeks, a bright purple with thick black outlining. The rest of the night is filled with more fun then Kali could’ve thought of. Kids decked out in costumes, illuminated pumpkins with grinning faces, spooky skeletons and screeching witches perched at steps or dangling from windows – Kali absolutely loves it, and ends up going into the scary houses that even Bruce won’t go to. And there’s more candy then you can shake a stick at; Joey trades his  sour patch kids  for her  mars bars , and Peter makes himself sick on  too many peanut butter cups .

 

They have Thanksgiving – a big feast that took way too many trips to the grocery store and much pre-planning. The church does a lot for Thanksgiving; her mo m helps host the food drive where they collect cans upon cans for families who don’t have a lot to eat, something Kali thinks is a good idea. She even gives  over  a couple of her quarters she’s managed to scrounge for herself; she knew exactly what it was like, the horrible  crush of starvation. On the day of, her mom gets up to cook at eight and doesn’t stop until five. Kali watches the storm through the kitchen, occasionally assigned to peeling potatoes or carrots. The table gets set up with the fancy china and decorative gravy boat, nice candles and the turkey Kali made during church  arts n’ crafts . They even invite Mr. Morris over because her mom was so worried about him being alone – and he was the perfect house guest, bringing over some pumpkin pie and complimenting greatly on the state of the food. 

 

They lead into grace, and sa id what they  wer e grateful for. Kali says she’s grateful for her parents, her friends, for  _ family _ . Her parents say they’re grateful for family too, for their spouse, for the food on the table.

 

They even saw they’re grateful for Kali, their loving smiles something Kali will always keep a hold of. 

 

Seasons get even colder. Her mother stops spending time in the garden as the flowers get taken over by frost, and instead puts her time to redecorating. She puts up new curtains and contemplates new kitchen floors, asking Kali if a light or dark green made for better couch pillows – despite the colours looking exactly the same to the young girl who couldn’t find this possibly any more boring. Tracy moves from teaching her to memorize all the fifty states to how to divide numbers. Kali finds she doesn’t care for math much. Her father gets a promotion at work; he walks in laughing, with flowers for his wife and a teddy bear for Kali. They have a special dinner for him. Later at night, Kali will hear music downstairs from her bedroom, and she’ll sneak down to see them dancing to it; hands clasped, his arm around her waist and her head at his shoulder – a soft love emanating around the room, more from them then the schmaltzy music off of the record player. 

 

Most kids didn’t like their parents being gross like that. But Kali smiled at it, happy for the gentleness that lived in the house. Maybe most kids didn’t like it, because they never had to live in a place that was void of love and only offered something cold. Kali was just happy now, there was something nice instead. 

 

She might wonder, briefly, if her birth parents did this too. But altogether, Kali doesn’t think about it anymore. Her birth parents, if they did exist, didn’t want her or care for her. So Kali didn’t want them either. She hated them too.

 

Kali sees her first snowfall. Or maybe  it was ; part of her wants to say she knew snow, that very same odd twist in her gut of familiar when the frosty pieces land on her palm. But once more, she can’t be sure. When the snow does fall, Joey is over at her house in an instant. They bundle up in puffy jackets and wool hats, and then reek havoc onto the layers of pristine white over the lawns. He teaches her how to make a snowball, an act that would eventually turn against him when she chucked one in a clear shot at his head. An hour layer, they’re s creaming and laughing as they hurl snow at one another, shoving it down necks and scrubbing it into hair. Her stomach hurts from how hard she’s laughing and her warm cheeks sting a little from the bite of cold, but she’s so, so happy to be here. With more snow coming, she’ll later get to  go  sledding with the boys, daring each other to try the steeper and steeper hills, or they build snowmen together. 

 

Christmas was a big deal, she learns. Tracy goes away in December because her family was going on vacation, which made Kali rather sad,  only softened when she gave her a  long hug goodbye . Joey will explain to her the concept of Santa Claus –  something he says is more for little kids to believe in, but her parents will ask her what she’s hoping to get from him  anyway . Kali doesn’t honestly know; she already has so many nice things. 

 

Nobody has ever asked her.

 

Christmas was also big with the church; they put on plays and sing lots of carols, about Jesus’s rebirth and what he did to save everyone. Kali’s not sure she understands it all, but that wasn’t uncommon with church. She would think  though , if Jesus was so great and could do these  amazing  things for everyone, why were they still doing food drives for families who couldn’t afford food? And why were she and Eleven stuck for so long under the hands of the bad men? Could n’t He have helped them? She doesn’t ask th is though. 

 

They have lots of fun with Christmas, anyway.  Her father convinces her mother it’s fine for him to go up and string lights on the house, which doesn’t stop her as he stomps up along the roof, from sticking her head out the window to yell  _ if you fall off that damn roof again I ain’t driving you to the  _ _ hospital _ _ this time!  _ They  hold a  gingerbread house  competition –  _ a McGregor family tradition  _ her dad grinned. Kali picks the side of her mother, and they spend the night smearing icing and del icately placing candy, her licking the white off her fingers and giggling when her mother throws a jellybean at his head. The girls win, and although Joey once told her adults always let kids win anyway so it’s not really winning, she felt pretty proud anyway.

 

They go to pick a tree, and Kali helps her dad bring it in too, tiny arms lifting the best they could and shaking pine needles out of her hair that’d grown to her ears now. With gingerbread cookies on the table, the spend hours decorating, delicate glass icicles and bulbs or little yarn animals on strings, _White Christmas_ and _Jingle Bells_ flowing out of the radio. Her father got her a clay penguin ornament that read _First Christmas_ on it so she could hang it up herself. When the branches are full and the fairy lights are wrapped around, her dad lifts her to his shoulders so she can place the angel at the top of the tree – and squealing with laughter when he doesn’t let her down, rather holding her up by her ankles and playfully swinging her around. The cheery music and the loving laughter from the three of them, Kali clutching onto her dad’s thick arm less she go sailing and grinning so hard her cheeks hurt, stuffing the house with nothing short of _merriment._

 

She gets more gifts them she really knows what to do with. Her parents watch her open her stocking, candy canes and christmas m&ms and barrette packets, to the many gifts _Santa left_ , even though Kali knows the truth. There were all sorts of things; from the less exciting dresses and socks, to book collection sets and a new case of coloured pencils and paints. She’s already so overwhelmed with everything new that was _hers_. So finally, when she pulls out the last thing, it all falls down on her. It’s a brand new cassette player, along with some bills to go down and pick up some albums. Kali gapes down at the shiny machine, only distantly hearing her mom talk about how she knew she loves to sit with her to listen to the radio in the kitchen, or even her _Beatles_ records, and that she was getting a real  love for music. They ask _if she likes it_ and that _maybe her father will take her next week for the cassettes,_ and – 

 

Kali starts sobbing. 

 

She isn’t sure what happened. She was only looking down at something so wonderful that was actually  _ hers _ and as she did,  she remembers exactly  how barren her life used to be.  How she wasn’t allowed any toys in her room and those plain white sheets held nothing unique and she would wear the same white hospital gown and she couldn’t even colour pictures to hang in that sterile room and she had all but forgotten music existed ‘cause they’d kept it – 

 

Her parents circle her right away, her mother’s arms embracing her. Concern over them, wondering where they went  wrong ,  with  her smoothing the young girl’s back and him gently encouraging her to breathe. 

 

“What is it honey..?” Her mother  softly cups her cheeks when Kali slows her tears “What’s the matter? Do you not like it?” 

 

Kali vapidly shakes her head, deeper sobs tumbling out. She wipes under her eyes and across her cheeks to gasp out, 

 

“ _I love it.”_

 

She wraps her arms around her mom and squeezes as tight as she can.

 

Christmas goes, though the winter stays. Her and her friends get in whatever time they can with the snow,  even as they hear the adults complain about  the frozen powder and ice for reasons they don’t get. Kali reads her new books and picks up those cassettes;  her father won’t let her get  _ The Who  _ or Stones albums, but she does get  _ Queen  _ and  _ Blondie.  _ As it would turn out, she was quite a fan of rock music.  The boys share their gifts too; Joey’s new set of his most treasured baseball cards, Ralph’s new chemistry set and Bruce’s set of  plastic  army men. 

 

Everything moves along and alters. They  also have New Year s . Her parents actually let her stay up till midnight so they could all watch the countdown, the shimmering ball dropping  from  all the way in  _ New York.  _ Before the new year had wrung, Kali had leaned in to ask her mom exactly what it all meant.

 

“ _It means it’s a brand new year baby.”_

 

“ _But why?”_

 

“‘ _Cause it’s all new. New changes for better things.”_

 

Kali thought that was nice – she just hoped those changes were nice ones. 

 

They’d turn out to be,  usually . As times chugs forward, it brings things anew. Kali  passes all of Tracy’s subjects.  Her dad angrily kicks a hole in the wall when Reagan is announced President that they then have to get fixed.  Peter breaks his ankle attempting to sled backwards. Her  family starts making plans to possibly  go  camping in the summer. She learns  every lyric to her cassettes and starts saving up for more.  Joey breaks the record for the highest climber on the old pine tree at the back of the school. Kali gets chicken pox, which is not very fun she finds out. Her mom is elected onto the church council board. Kali starts to learn how to talk to people more.  She doesn’t flinch anymore when her dad yells across the hall for where her mom put his favourite tie.  She starts getting less and less nightmares. Her bruises and scars,  painted on her skin,  really start to finally heal. 

 

A nd so she starts blossoming. 

 

-

 

Her first ever birthday party was Joey’s.

 

He was turning thirteen, and Kali was the first to be invited. They went down to the local bowling alley, to which Kali had never been. It was a loud place with many flashing neon lights and you had to wear different shoes, which Kali thought was weird – she didn’t even know how to bowl, but Joey promised to show her. Once she had the basics down, it was pretty fun.

 

It was a bit hard to do though, especially on her first try. And Joey wasn’t as good as he promised. Also the boys were very interested in keeping score  and bets . Bruce tried to drag Joey into one. 

 

“If I win, I get a pick from your baseball cards. You probably  _ won’t win _ , but even if you do, you..” He glanced around the group, grinning smugly when spotting the two friends “get a kiss from  _ Kali..” _

 

The rest of them  _ oooh’d _ and made fake kissing noises. They’d been doing this a lot lately. Joey turned bright red, only pushing Bruce by the shoulders and telling him to shove it. 

 

The other boys do the competitions anyway. Instead, the two get some snacks – mostly candy. They got a pack of extra sour gummy worms, and dared each other to see who could eat the most in one sitting, laughing as they stuffed themselves of gummies. Kali won in the end because she’s the one who loves sour candy the most.

 

It was later, when she was sitting out to watch them take their last run, did she notice. She’d glanced over to the snack area, wondering if they should get fries next, and then saw the body perched on one of the twirling, metal stools at the counter. 

 

It was Tracy. Tracy was here. What was she doing here? It didn’t really matter. Kali instantly burst into a grin, feeling her heart leap up. She had to go over.

 

Kali quickly jumped off her seat at their booth  and  headed right to the older girl. She approached the stool and eagerly tugged at Tracy’s sleeve. She spun curiously, grinning when she saw the younger girl. 

 

“Kali! What’re you doing here?” 

 

“I’m bowling, for my friend’s birthday.” Kali answered, pointing to the boys currently hassling each other over scores.

 

“Oh, cool! Is that that Joey kid?” 

 

Kali nodded. 

 

“Well, are you having fun?” 

 

Kali shrugged “I guess. Joey isn’t very good.”

 

Tracy laughed at that, making Kali  smile . She really did have the best smile. Maybe, she’d even like to bowl with them.

 

“What’re you doing here..?” 

 

Tracy grinned especially wide, as if she had a kind of secret.

 

“Well, uh, I’m with someone..” 

 

Kali quirked her head. Was she with her friends? Did her friends want to bowl with them? Kali didn’t mind  if they tagged along , as long as she got to bowl with Tracy. 

 

Almost exactly on que though, a boy suddenly breaks into their conversation. He leans over from behind Tracy, a hand on her waist and grinning. 

 

“Hey, sorry about that..” 

 

Tracy swiveled in her seat to him, smiling like she didn’t mind at all “Oh, that’s totally fine..” 

 

Kali furrowed. A boy? What was he doing here? Why was he with Tracy?

 

“Ready to go..?” 

 

“Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh!” She smiles back to Kali, gesturing back to the boy “This is the girl I tutor. Kali, this is Marcus!” 

 

He glanced briefly to Kali, trying to make a half-smile to appear interested “Ah, this is the kid. How’s it goin’?” 

 

Kali glared back, evaluating. He had to be about Tracy’s age, dark complexion and buzzed hair like her father’s. He had a checkered shirt and Kali thought it looked stupid. Why was Tracy hanging out with him?

 

“Hi..” She muttered back, still glowering. Tracy quickly swiveled back to him. 

 

“She’s, um, a little shy.” 

 

“Yeah. Uh, well I got the lane all ready..” 

 

“Great!” 

 

She spun back to collect her purse and threw Kali a smile so fast she could barely register it. 

 

“I’ll see you next time!” 

 

And then she’d lept off the seat and was gone. Kali watched her go forlo r nly, feeling her stomach sink  when they’d intertwine d hands. The ask for  Tracy to come join her friends was still fresh on her tongue, but instead she had to swallow it, sliding off to mope back to  the boys . 

 

She tried to enjoy the rest of the party, for Joey’s birthday. She really did. But  regardless,  she found herself  repeatedly glancing over to the teens, especially as she heard Tracy’s high and giggly laugh echo ing . She’d watch, glare and tight throat, them sharing a plate of fries and a milkshake. Them laughing about scores and who was cheating, playful pushes and nudges. Her, back against his chest as he guided her on how to pro p erly swing the ball, hands at her waist and  guiding her  hand with his overtop . 

 

She hated it. It was stupid. Half the time he didn’t even bowl right. Yet, Tracy would laugh and smile anyway. Why did she even like him?

 

She could hear Joey calling her name, trying to tell her it was her turn, trying to bring her back. She’d just take her turn and then be back to staring over at them. 

 

_ Stupid _ . 

 

After a while, the teens stopped for a break. Kali watched them lean against the score machine as they sipped on drinks. He must’ve said something she liked, because Tracy laughed for what had to be the  millionth time, and reached forward to squeeze his arm and say something like  _ you’re so cute _ . 

 

Kali’s  heart caved in. Cute; like how Tracy would call her. Anger  roared next .

 

She knew she shouldn’t do this. She hasn’t used her powers at all since being here; she was smart enough now, to know their consequences.

 

But b efore she could think, her fist tightened by her side. Signaling onto him, she created the perfect image of a  very realistic ,  and very  dead frog to float in his cup of soda. 

 

A second after that, there’s a manic shout heard through the room. Kali sees his eyes bug and he’s springing back, cup flying out his hand and fizzy liquid splashing down the front of  his dumb shirt. Startled and sputtering, he desperately tried to wipe off the soda as his cheeks  went red.

 

Kali grinned triumphantly. 

 

Until Tracy stepped in. When she smiled through his embarrassed  explanations , repeating  _ it’s okay it’s okay _ . When she grabbed a napkin and began pressing it over his chest, and they both bashfully grinned at each  other with how close they were. When she kissed his cheek and said he couldn’t look bad even if he wanted to. 

 

And it’s just like her heart snaps. 

 

She barely even hears Joey beside her. He has to call her name a couple times before she  blinks back and turns to him. 

 

“What???” 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“You’re bleeding.” He furrowed with concern, pointing to her upper lip,  around her nose . Kali’s eyes popped and her fingers flew to her mouth, feeling the sticky red under the tips. Oh no. 

 

“O-Oh, I um, I-I, I just..I’ll fix it..” 

 

She speeds by him, hand covering, bolting right for the washroom. 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?!” He calls after her, if not somewhat frantically “I can help!” 

 

“No, don’t!” She can only yell back, slamming open the washroom door. 

 

She rushes for the stall and kicks the door closed. She tears off pieces of  toilet paper and quickly wipes away the blood. 

 

It’s fine in a couple of minutes. It’s not a lot, so it’s not too bad of a mess to clean up. But once it’s all done, she has no desire to go back, instead sitting down on the rim of the seat. She didn’t want to see Tracy giggle and smile at  _ Marcus _ . She didn’t want to see him hold her waist.

 

She didn’t want to see them kiss.

 

Her throat is stinging like mad and she’s scrubbing the back of her hand over fresh tears. She inhales shakily, trying to keep down the cries with little  success.

 

Her heart  was so heavy.

 

She stays in until all the tears are scrubbed away. She has to pretend to be sick, so that her mom comes to get her before they even do presents and cake. She feels bad for leaving Joey on his birthday. He doesn’t seem to mind as much; he just kept asking her if she was going to be alright and that hopefully she feels better soon. 

 

At home, she  obliges to the medicine her mother gives her and refuses anything else.  Rather, she crawls into her bed, curling up into a ball under the covers, and doesn’t come out for the rest of the day.

 

-

 

Despite the bowling incident, t hings were going really well with Tracy. She was flying by sections and doing great on her  quizzes. Her father  even  joked about her surpassing him. 

 

One afternoon, after the lesson when Tracy was packing her things, she was chatting to her mother. Kali was only half listening because it was mostly all boring adult talk.  Something about gardening and her mom’s plans for their garden when the weather gets nicer and Tracy saying how much she likes flowers where Kali finally picks up –

 

“ _I saw you had daises in the front_ _ last year _ _ – those are my favourite, and  _ _ I think they were really lovely  _ _ there!”  _

 

“ _Oh really, they are?”_

 

“ _For sure!”_

 

Kali quirked her head at that, staring up curiously at her tutor. 

 

“ _But..daisies are boring – the_ _ re’s.. _ _ no colour..”  _

 

“ _Mm, I dunno. I guess it would be nice to see a coloured one, but I adore them anyway and they always look so pretty. Are you planting anymore Mrs. McGregor..?”_

 

They talked a little more about flower arrangements, and then Tracy was gone for the day. But Kali hardly noticed, her mind whirling and buzzing with new ideas. 

 

It’s true there was no coloured daisy, they were usually always a tepid white. So maybe one didn’t exist – but, Kali thinks, one could be _created._

 

So, late at night, that’s what she did. Honing all her ability, she created a coloured daisy right in her palm. One with petals  painted in  every  shade , glimmering in the low light. Perfect. 

 

Yeah, she knew her powers were risky; she knew it could frighten or confuse sometimes. But Tracy already liked her so much, she’s her _shining star_ after all. And this was her favourite flower, the first one to be sculpted with the array of colours.

 

She grinned. Tracy was going to love it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest again, the next chapter might also take a while. But know as a working person with a mental illness and poor time management skills, I am doing my best!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again. Firstly, I won't repeat myself by saying again that it's been a while, but I will say thank you for all your patience. People's kind words and patience with me to get up the next chapter - that really means a lot, and I seriously appreciate that :)
> 
> Anyway, here's the next part! Sorry it's a little shorter then most, and a little more angsty then the past couple chapters were. Hopefully it was worth waiting around for!
> 
> PSA This chapter does include passages about self-harm; nothing in violent detail or big scenes, but it is there.

It was the 14 th when Joey shows up at her door, a big grin and a promise that he had a surprise for her. 

 

Kali was curious, if not a little wary that he wouldn’t tell her what it was. Regardless, she put on her thick, green raincoat, ‘cause even though the snow was mostly gone, it was still pretty cold there in February. 

 

Joey takes them to the forest behind the complex, their usual spot for many adventures. This intrigued her even more because what surprise could he possibly show her here? They hadn’t been here in a while, their usual activities really not available since the pond had frozen over and it was too cold out anyway. 

 

They end up perched on a branch in the oak tree, the very first one he taught her how to climb on. It was oddly quiet today, and she noticed how often he kept smiling at her. 

 

“I wanted to give you something..” He told her, excitedly kicking up his legs and never breaking his eyes from hers. Kali waits patiently, where after he places something in her lap.

 

She looks back down to find something light and pink. It was a card. It was folded and Kali pulled it back to reveal the inside, which had a heart in the middle that read  _ Be My Valentine,  _ with Bugs Bunny and Tweety Bird holding it up. Her name was written in the  _ to  _ section. Her stomach dipped in surprise.

 

“It..it’s a Valentine. For you. From me – though you can, already, probably tell that..” 

 

“Oh..” Kali uttered, not sure what else to do with this. Her dad had brought her a chocolate heart for Valentines, and she’d been hearing all about it once February started. But she’d had honestly never expected anything from her friends, from Joey.

 

There was something attached to the back, another paper thin gift she pulled off. Her eyes went wide the second she recognized it. The logo of the  _ Cincinnati Reds _ on the back, the photo and proud name and stats of Joey’s favourite baseball player, for his favourite team. She’d seen it once before, over at his house where he proudly displayed it on his dresser to never be taken out or traded. She was shellshocked, confident this couldn’t be for her.

 

“..This is your baseball card..” was all she could say. He keeps smiling, like he hadn’t given her his most treasured possession. 

 

“Yep.” 

 

“...This is your  _ favourite  _ baseball card.” She reiterated; maybe he just wasn’t getting it. 

 

“Yep. Well, I guess,” he leaned closer “it’s yours now.” 

 

Kali continued to stare down hard at the card. She didn’t know what to do with it. Joey can’t possibly be giving her this; he loved it too much. 

 

“But...why?”

 

“Well, uh, you see that it’s uh...with a valentines card..as a gift..for you...” 

 

Now her stomach dropped completely. She cautiously glanced back to Joey, cogs in her head slowly starting to put things together.

 

She wasn’t an idiot; she knew what the deal was about Valentines. She knew what it means, for a boy to give a girl a Valentines gift.

 

Suddenly, as she was a second away from trying to ask more, he shot forward. All she had to do was blink and his mouth was over hers. 

 

He’s trying to kiss her. 

 

Kali heard about kisses. She heard about them in t.v shows and books, when other girls her age gossip using words like  _ frenching _ . She’s heard about how it’s supposte to feel; magical, amazing, a staple in your life. The girls were always so happy when they get a kiss from a boy.

 

And right now, she’s not so sure those people are right. 

 

She’s frozen. Now she  _ really  _ didn’t know what to do. Joey’s pushing his lips over hers and it’s not like  _ he  _ knew what he was doing either, making for a whole mess of events. 

 

It’s cold; his lips are chapped from the winter air. And it’s wet. She can feel the moisture against her lips and it makes her want to pull away.

 

Thankfully, while she panics in how to respond and how she  _ didn’t  _ know what how to do that and the sinking realization that she  _ didn’t  _ want to be kissed, he pulls back. Kali blinks away her surprise, finding him awing her with dazed eyes and a dopey smile. 

 

“Wow..” 

 

“Did you...mean to do that..?” Kali muttered. She resisted the urge to wipe her mouth off with her hand. 

 

“Yeah, I did..” He stuttered nervously, back to wringing his hands but his smile never left “And I’ve been wanting to, for a long time..” 

 

Kali felt panic creep back up. Oh no. 

 

“I..I really like you Kali.” He confessed “You’re one of my best friends, but you’re also super cool too..and pretty, and stuff..” 

 

She felt stuck. She didn’t know how to get out this. She desperately wanted to blurt out  _ stop  _ before he could keep going, but the letters only get stuck in her throat instead. 

 

“And since we, uh, hang out all the time and everything..” 

 

_ No no no _ he can’t be doing this she didn’t want to do this with him and she had to stop it – 

 

“I-I thought, we could be like, girlfriend and boyfriend – together, you know, ‘cause you’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met and I really want to be together with you –”

 

“Joey I don’t like you.” 

 

The ramblings completely stalled. The big grin across his face diminished, slowly slipping down, and the light immediately left from his eyes. It was like all the happiness was sucked out. 

 

“What..?” 

 

“I mean, you’re still my friend, so I like you but...” She swallowed the lump in her throat, only able to keep going by keeping her gaze down “I don’t..have a crush on you. I’m sorry..” 

 

He quieted. And stayed quiet, keeping his head down too, but Kali caught the wide-eyes and furrowed brow as he tried to understand. The longer they sat in the silence, the more his shoulders seemed to fall. When he did finally speak, it was small and it cracked a little, 

 

“Oh..” 

 

“Don’t be sad!” Kali blurted, almost pleaded. She’d hate to make him upset; she wanted to be his friend, just not in that way, so it was still going to be okay and they could still hang out. 

 

“I’m not.” He bristled, continuing to glare down at his feet “It’s just..it’s whatever, I..” 

 

Everything was still until he suddenly lurched forward and ripped the valentines card from her lap. He scrunched his fist and crumbled the card into nothing. 

 

“..I knew it was a dumb idea anyway, so it doesn’t matter..”

 

Kali bit into her tongue watching him. It didn’t look like it didn’t matter, not with how his voice wavered and how he angrily scrubbed his hand under his nose as he sniffled.

 

“It wasn’t stupid, it was nice, I just..” 

 

“You don’t have to make me feel better.” He cut off shortly. Kali withdrew at that, looking away, deciding to keep quiet even if she wanted to make him feel better. They kept sitting in awkward silence, both clueless as to how to fix this mess.

 

“So, if..you don’t like me, then..do you like anyone else..?” 

 

Kali briefly thought to Tracy. She vapidly shook her head.

 

 

Joey squinted “Really – no one?..” 

 

She shook her head again. 

 

“Not even..me..?” 

 

“No, I don’t..I don’t..want to be with you..like that..” She answers, compelled to follow it up with “I’m sorry..”

 

He nodded his head, not even bothering with words. Kali closely watched him – and not as subtly as he might’ve thought he was – scrub his hands over his red eyes and under his nose again. She was again prickled by guilt.

 

“But we’re still gunna be friends!” She blurted as a bandage, confident enough that that still held through “..I mean, right? We’re still friends..” 

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure..” Joey shrugged, watching his sneaks swing back and forth underneath him – not at her “Still friends, whatever..” 

 

He didn’t sound like he meant it, but Kali tired to ignore that. She bit into her lip, hoping for something else to say to him so that he wasn’t hanging his head. Nothing came though, instead the both of them suffocated by the uncomfortable silence around. Joey still wouldn’t look her way, keeping his red cheeks and furrowed brow down with his folded arms wrapped around himself – almost like a shield, Kali thought. Guilt continued to sting at the back of her throat, making her wish she could say something different, something he wanted. 

 

But she can’t. She loves him as her best friend, her first friend, but never like he wanted. Kali stewed some more and finally gave in, another sorry or words of an attempted bandage about to fall from her lips –

 

“So, uh, I-I think I’ll go..home, now..” Joey blurted out. Kali spun to him just to find him already off of the branch, climbing mid-way down the tree. 

 

“W-Wait! Joey, don’t!” 

 

She scrambled after him, trying to keep up with his fast climb down to the ground. When she reached the layer of frosted old leaves, he was already stalking off to his bike. 

 

“Wait, Joey, we..we can still play...there’s still some snow left on the hill for sledding, we can –”

 

“No – no, that’s..I can’t.” He refused, leaving Kali’s heart to cave in “I um, I forgot some homework I gotta finish, and it’s due really soon, so..” 

 

She could tell, ever so slightly, that he was bluffing. If not down right lying. Joey hardly ever cared to get homework done on time. Kali stalls, festering on her anxiety while chewing up her cheek; she thinks, maybe, as his best friend she should tell him she can read that he’s lying. That he shouldn’t lie to her, didn’t  _ need  _ to.

 

She doesn’t. Rather, what stutters out is “y-you’re sure..?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I gotta go do it, so um..” He grasps onto the bike handles and already begins pushing before he’s done talking “I-I’ll just see you later..” 

 

He slips onto his bike and starts pushing it down the path, before it leads out the thick woods and he can get on. As Kali watches him run off, she suddenly remembers the slip of the card against her palm.  _ His  _ card.

 

“Wait, Joey! Your card, you-you should take it!” 

 

“It’s okay!” He yelled back hastily “Just keep it, it doesn’t matter anyway!” 

 

“But –”

 

He’d slipped away. Kali could just hear the fast whistling of rapid peddling, where her friend was desperately escaping. The words continued to echo in the large woods –  _ it doesn’t matter anyway. _

 

She stands there for quite a while. Staring at the path he took out, a tight throat and the card weighing heavy in her hand. Everything in her was screaming something was wrong, to her eyes that were watering and the worry threatening to boil – yet, she knew, she had no way to fix it. 

 

So she could only walk home. Walk back on her own, the card that didn’t belong to her in her hand, and tried to forget how Joey wouldn’t look her in the eye when she said they were  _ still going to be friends, right? _

 

-

 

Kali was still trying to process these events days later.

 

How Joey had apparently liked her the whole time, how fast he’d rushed off after she told him she didn’t reciprocate those feelings. She did her all to ignore it, but ignoring it still kept a sour stone at the bottom of her stomach telling her something was wrong. She was unsure though, how to go about it. She’d kept quiet from her parents so far; it’d already been implemented in her head from other kids that you weren’t  _ suppose  _ to tell your parents about kissing, even if she didn’t quite get why.

 

Instead, it comes down to this. She’s over at Tracy’s house because she wanted to do some extra bonus work on their science unit, and her father, more then tickled that she was doing this, was happy to come by after work to pick her up. 

 

Now, Tracy was putting together her various worksheets after marking them and her anxiety is now beginning to overboil so she just blurts, 

 

“Joey tried to kiss me..”

 

Surprised silence, where a befuddled Tracy abruptly stopped shuffling her work. Then, a second after, she turned to Kali with a grin a mile wide.

 

“Did he  _ really?”  _

 

She’d lowered her voice, shifting herself to be pointed directly at Kali as to have a more private, secret conversation. Kali likes how she leaned in further, especially attentive to her.  She nodded. 

 

“ _Wow,_ you’re first kiss! How was it?” 

 

Despite her excited expression, Kali scrunched up her face, remembering the cold wetness. 

 

“Bad.” She shuddered, sticking out her tongue. Tracy furrowed sadly, almost sympathetically. 

 

“Aw, that’s too bad.” She offered, going back to stacking the sheets “Don’t be too disappointed though – it gets a lot better. Just wait till you’re a bit older.” 

 

“For what..?” 

 

Tracy glanced back, grin taking place again, and moved in to whisper.

 

“For an older boy. Trust me, they’re  _ much better  _ kissers. Once you do, your opinion will change for sure.”

 

Kali didn’t say anything, left to stare down at her lap as Tracy cleared up the papers. She didn’t think anything was going to change her mind; it was already made up.

 

She didn’t like to kiss Joey, or any of her friends.

 

An hour later, when her dad does come, she’s yet to be sure of this whole thing. So she decided to break the rule of secrecy to interrupt the content quiet of the car and pose to her father,

 

“Dad..?” 

 

“Mm?” 

 

“How did..” She carefully phrased her words, busy twiddling with her thumbs rather then looking at him “you know, that..you wanted to be with mom..?”

 

He didn’t speak right away. He kept staring out the rainy windshield, forehead wrinkling with thought and the kind of dignity that was natural to  him . 

 

“..Why do you ask?” He finally replied. 

 

Kali shrugged as it was easier. Some more silence, followed by a reflective sigh. 

 

“Well kiddo, it’s not always easy – love can be something of an uphill battle.” He told her, gaze steady to the road in front of them “But..at the same time, I think I knew, because being with her was the easiest thing in the world. And nobody else felt the same way.” 

 

“Really?” Kali asked  skeptically  – it was  actually  that simple?

 

“Sure thing. When you’re with the person you love honey, and I’m sure you’ll find that person someday,”  He continued, flicking the windshield  wipers up to a higher speed “it’ll feel exactly right. And you’ll do whatever you can to be with that person.”

 

Kali furrowed, still not completely satisfied “But..how do you  _ know _ , that it’s right..?” 

 

Instead, he  let out a quiet chuckle . 

 

“You’ll just know; you’ll feel it. I know that isn’t much of an answer for you right now, but trust me that you will.” 

 

She didn’t say anything more, knowing her dad would never lie to her. So she guessed he had to be right. And in that case, she could know that she didn’t like Joey or any of their friends, as it didn’t feel like the kind of _right_ he was talking about. Maybe then, she was going to have to wait for that certain person. 

 

“However,” he cut the silence as he cleared his throat, shuffling to sit right up “you don’t have to worry ‘bout that now honey – you’re much to young anyway.” 

 

“I know. I was just..curious..”

 

“Curious? For what?” He tried again, that fatherly protection becoming louder in his voice “Was it one of those boys?! Did they try to kiss you??” 

 

“No Dad..” She denied, knowing full well that he didn’t need to hear about Joey trying to do exactly that.  There was no need for her dad to scare the living daylights out of her best friend so that he’d never come over again.

 

“Well, good.” He decided, turning his eyes back on the road “You don’t need that stuff, there  wi ll be time to worry when you’re older.”

 

“But, you still won’t want boys kissing me anyway..”

 

The parental seriousness slipped and he chuckled again. 

 

“Well, I guess I’ll have to get used to the idea. ‘Cause someday,  I’m sure,  you’ll be with someone who knows how much of a little fighter you are and is just as smart as you, huh?” 

 

Grinning, he leaned over slightly to poke a finger under her ribs. She giggled and gave a shove back to his shoulder in retaliation. 

 

“And I know all those boys are your friends, but I don’t think  any of em’ are quite  there  yet. Nor could they be as smart..”

 

“I know.” 

 

“ Do you?” He smiled

 

“ Uh-huh.  I already beat them at c ards before.  And checkers.  Twice.” 

 

At that, suddenly, he started laughing – graciously and loudly. The usual lax expression was lit up, eyes scrunching behind the thick  owl glasses. 

 

“..God, you’re certainly something, aren’t you kid?” He  grinned over at her, something of loving pride in there “You’re gunna do somethin’ amazing and light the world up from the inside – a tiny, little spark..”

 

She wasn’t sure what she did exactly, but she starts smiling too. And squealing when he reached over to start ruffling her hair, trying to push his arm arm away with little luck but laughing through it. 

 

He starts calling her that, after that day. Little spark. Always accompanied by a grin and love laced into the tone. 

 

She’s only ever known her herself as  _ Kali.  _ That was her name. She’d rejected Eight and anything else placed on her. 

 

But she very much likes this name too.

 

-

 

Kali had wanted to give Tracy the gift on Valentines. 

 

The flower – the lovely, colourful daisy she’d re-imagined for the older girl. But it turns out Tracy would be away again, her family on a trip (mom said something about it being for Tracy’s dad’s job).

 

So she has to wait another month, and trying not to be too disappointed, she decides to make use of the spare time. It had to be  _ just right  _ after all, for Tracy.

 

She’s been practicing, and continued to practice,  the gift very hard, for nights. Up past her bedtime, working to her full extent to form the whimsical daisy and  create the perfect picture – until it was pristine and sparkled in her hand, the  sparks of colours dancing off the white petals to shine through her bedroom. 

 

It had to be perfect.

 

When her tutor finally got back, she waited until their lesson was over and Tracy was putting away the books, smiling at how well her student did today. Anxiety had been biting at her all afternoon but now she placed a hand on Tracy’s arm, grinning up at her. 

 

“I have a present for you..”

 

Tracy beamed back down, seeming to share her excitement “Do you now?” 

 

Kali nodded eagerly. 

 

“Well aren’t you sweet – and what would that be?” 

 

Kali grinned brighter. She brought up her hands and cupped them, laying them on the table. Steadied herself and concentrated –  _ in, out _ . Using all her might, the daisy started to form, blooming from her fingers. Swirling and unfurling, the gentle white petals spread out, the yellow center illuminated. It stood up proudly, and soon shining colours began dancing along the petals, making a rainbow of a  spectical.  Kali breathed a sigh of relief – it was even better then when she’d been practicing! She heard the sudden noise of a chair being scraped back so she looked back at Tracy, smiling giddily at her tutor who must be so amazed by her gift. 

 

“Do you like it –”

 

Tracy was not smiling. She’d stood up from her chair – she was backing away, actually. Away from Kali. Her hand was over her mouth and her eyes were wide and terrified. Suddenly pale and a cautious hand pointing to the flower in Kali’s hands. 

 

“What..what is-is..” She couldn’t even finish her words. They sounded scared, like the young girl had done something really bad “..How’d you do that..?”

 

Kali’s smile broke. Suddenly, the flower completely withered in her hands. It faded to black without her even thinking about it and whisked away, never to dare being seen again. She scrunched her hands up, concealed them by holding them to her chest, hiding them. Hiding whatever bad thing she’d done.

 

“..Do..do you not like it..?” Kali whispered. Her words were wet and they shook a bit. She had to swallow down the lump suddenly in her throat, feeling her eyes sting. 

 

She had been so sure. Tracy said daisies were her favourite, and she made sure to make the perfect one Tracy was bound to adore, one with  _ colours.  _ Instead, she stood frightened of the little girl. It wasn’t how like the white coats used to look at her powers, with a kind of odd awe. It wasn’t like this kind of scared, looking at her like she’d done something awful, something shameful. 

 

Something so that Tracy was never going to smile at her again. 

 

-

 

Kali sat crumbled on her bed, knees up to her chest with a pillow wedged in between, wet face pressed into the soft material. She could hear the purposefully hushed voices of her tutor and her parents just outside her bedroom door. They’d been there a long time now; she couldn’t quite pick out their words but she heard the trembling words of Tracy as she relayed the event to the adults, trying to stay quiet while her voice cracked. She’d heard her mother’s gasps and strained voices asking more and more questions, possibly not even believing the story they were being told.

 

Kali tried to keep her cries quiet, sniffles low and concealed. She could only wait with terror at what her parents were going to do. If they were as scared as Tracy was, if they were going to make her leave because of it. If they were going to hate her for it.

 

Kali bites back another sob, grasping tighter to the pillow. She’d been so stupid. Of course Tracy wouldn’t like her stupid flower.

 

Finally, her door opens. She already knows it’s her mother. She’s still burrowed down, refusing to look up and fear battering her heart. 

 

Soft footsteps. Then her bed dips from where someone sits down. It’s deathly quiet in her room. 

 

“Baby..” 

 

Kali tightened her hold on the pillow, still shaking. A sigh.

 

“Baby, I don’t wanna be mad, but now is not the time for this..” 

 

Kali waits for as long as possible, until finally raising her head. She finds her mother staring right back at her. Her eyes are glossy too.

 

“Now, I just wanna ask you this one thing,” She leans in, fingers gently bumping over Kali’s leg, still caoutious. Kali thought she looked almost as frightened as she was.

 

“...was what Tracy told us..true..?” 

 

Kali knew lying wasn’t going to do anything. She swallows down a sob at telling the truth to gasp,

 

“Yes..”

 

Her mother only stares. And the quiet is so loud. Kali wished she knew what she was thinking. Instead she sees her swallow and take a breath, her voice small.

 

“..Alright, you –”

 

“ _Pleasedon’tmakemegoback.”_

 

It blurts out before she can think, her fears spilling out, shaking and tears threatening to fall. Her mother stops, furrows. 

 

“..Honey, what do you –”

 

“ _I don’t wanna go back.”_ Kali starts to cry, sobs breaking out between trembling lips  _ “Please  _ please don’t make me leave I don’t wanna go I want to stay with you please –”

 

Her mother’s arms reach out, hands sliding over her arms “Baby it’s okay –”

 

But Kali’s sobbing, hands pressed over eyes, crocodile tears and trembling shoulders. She didn’t want to go back – back to white cages and no sun and needles under her skin and watching eyes and bruises on her skin, she didn’t want to  _ leave _ . 

 

“ _Idon’twannagopleaseIwannastayherepleaseplease –”_

 

Her mother is saying something but it doesn’t seem important because then her arms were around her, pulling her in. Kali collapsed into her side, sobbing to the soothing words and warmth encapsulating her. 

 

“Baby it’s alright, no one’s making you go anywhere.” Her mother assured, glancing back down “We just have to make sure of something..” 

 

Kali nodded hastily as she wiped her cheek. As long as she didn’t have to go. The older woman sighed out deeply, trying to collect herself. She held onto Kali’s arms and tried to look her in the eye, but it was flighty. 

 

“I’m not..I’m not gunna pretend like I understand it all..how what Tracy said was..real..” She swallowed thickly. She was doing her best not to cry. Kali felt even worse at that; she hadn’t meant to make her mom cry.

 

“But.. _ whatever _ ..it might be – sweetheart, you..” 

 

She grips so tight she could almost bruise Kali and now tears started to slip down, desperate eyes pleading with her daughter’s. A kind of seriousness that Kali had never seen on her. 

 

“..You  _ cannot  _ ever do that again. Do you understand me?  _ Not. Ever _ . People..people are scared of things like this, and if they saw...” She cupped Kali’s cheek, hold her close, Kali seeing the tracks on her cheeks “we..we don’t know what would happen. Do you understand that?..” 

 

Kali nodded rapidly. She got that. Just as long as she was staying here; that they weren’t going to send her back. 

 

“Tell me you understand to never do that again.” 

 

“I understand.” 

 

“Okay.” She sighed heavily, eyes squeezing shut “Okay..” 

 

After that, they just held onto each other. Until neither was crying anymore. 

 

Later, her father wouldn’t come into her room to see her. Kali just hears the two of them talking very quietly at the kitchen table; her mother’s words of fear, developing into tears again, over what would happen and her father doing his best to console her but his words were heavy too. 

 

Before they went to bed, Kali heard her mother praying, bent over the bed and pleading. Pleading to God, that nothing will happen. That nothing will happen to her and dad. To Kali. That he’ll keep them safe. 

 

Kali walked away soon after, not able to stomach her mother crying again.

 

-

 

Things were different after that. 

 

Everyone pretended like they weren’t, but Kali could tell. Her mother was just a bit more distant. Her father didn’t come around to spend time with her as much. They all sort of held their breath around her, as if waiting for her to snap and do something. But she’d been very good and had done exactly what they told her to – nothing. 

 

They take precautions. Her father had gone over to talk to Tracy, virtually begged her not to say anything to anyone; that it was fine, they were dealing with it, and apparently, she agreed. When Kali’s friends had caught the news that Tracy had quit, Kali told them exactly what her mother had told her to say – that she got too busy with school work to continue right now. Satisfied, they’d dropped it pretty quickly. 

 

Her parents acted like it was the same, like Kali couldn’t tell. Couldn’t tell when her mother would smile at her and look back too quickly. That when her father called her ‘little spark’, it wasn’t filled with warmth anymore. When they had guests over, they didn’t discourage her from spending time with them or the other kids, but they’d stopped encouraging her to.

 

They didn’t want her to go, but it was like they wished she wasn’t here either. 

 

Kali did her best to ignore it, but it became harder and harder as everything started taking worser turns. She would later hear about, from rumors spread around like they’re bred to in small communities, that Tracy took on another kid to tutor after not even a month from dropping her. 

 

She tried not think about it, to pretend like it didn’t matter. It was clear it did by the way she sobbed curled up in her bed, when she angrily tossed out the scrunchie she was holding onto that Tracy left behind and ripping up every piece of paper she doodled Tracy’s name on. 

 

She would also find out who the new kid was – Sasha Tyler, a local girl Kali’s age who was also in the church’s youth group.

 

Kali doesn’t know what compels her, but she ends up walking down to the church to find Sasha leaving the groups’ afternoon meeting. She sneakily trails after her, stomach clenched up and unsure of what she was doing, until Sasha must’ve heard her footsteps. She turns to catch Kali redhanded and poorly disguising herself by the nearby bush, holding her books tighter to her chest and raising her eyebrow. 

 

“What do you want..?” She posed, squinting further “You stalking me or something..?” 

 

Kali was quiet as she stepped out onto the sidewalk. She just eyed this girl, black hair done tightly up in a bun and bag already overflowing with books. She already spotted the lined pages of a workbook sticking out, one she had to be using for tutoring.

 

“..Are you the new kid studying with Tracy?..” 

 

“Yeah? What’s it to you?” She probed, eyed starting to widen a second after “Are you the kid she had before..?” 

 

Kali stiffened “No..” 

 

“Yeah you are! You’re Mr. and Mrs. McGregor’s daughter.” She told her, quirking her head as she observed the smaller girl “..Everybody was wondering what weird thing you did to get kicked out, or if you were just too stupid.” 

 

At that, anger snapped back in place – the drive that got her walking down here, and now had her shoulders locking and fists tightening. 

 

“I am not!” Kali spat. She sprang forward, and snatched the workbook out of Sasha’s bag. She heard an indignant peep of protest behind her but it didn’t stop her from pulling it away – from sticking her hand between the pages and begin ripping out all the detailed homework. 

 

“Hey,  _ hey _ stop it!” She fought back, trying to weasel her book back from Kali who already knew how to block moves easily and just shoved her away. 

 

“You probably did it all wrong!” Kali yelled back, hunched over to tear it apart and feeling Sasha trying to climb over her. 

 

“I did  _ not _ – just,  _ just  _ give it back!..” 

 

Kali didn’t. She continued to pull out pages, fingers with white knuckles taking out handfuls, the continuous  _ rip, rip, riiip,  _ only fuel.

 

“ _Stop it –”_

 

“She probably thinks  _ you’re  _ the stupid one!” 

 

The book was almost in tatters now and Kali was too busy ignoring her papercuts and pulling the book apart into two, she didn’t notice how Sasha had a handful of her jacket – 

 

“Then why’d she’d stop teaching you you freak?!” 

 

– and Kali was suddenly shoved right onto the pavement. She hid it with a hard  _ thunk _ , a pained cry and gravel scraping over her cheek. She laid down on the ground for just a second, finding her bearings, and then anger came back tenfold.

 

She turned right back with a snarl to see Sasha – her wide eyes and possible apology on her tongue that wouldn’t matter anyway as Kali leapt up with a roar. When she jumps up and her fist already littered with cuts swings around and hits Sasha right in the nose. 

 

The snap of bones and the following howl was clear but Kali didn’t even think of stopping, fingers digging into Sasha as she shoves them both to the ground. Where she holds her to the ground with a knee on her chest and wails on her. Pulls at her clothes until there are tears and hits her across the face until cheeks are red and yanks at her hair until the bun comes undone with clumps laying in her hands. Where Kali can’t hear Sasha’s sobs to stop over her own screams and she’s feeling the hot tears running over her face and picturing the completely  _ horrified  _ Tracy gave her as she rips apart the older girl’s new favourite student. 

 

She doesn’t stop until she’s too tired. Until the anger finally fizzles out and her sight is clear again. Until, she looks to her hands and sees the blood smeared there that wasn’t her own.

 

Her stomach sinks and she’s suddenly queasy. 

 

Sasha’s sobbing. Panicked and wide-eyed, Kali finally really looks down at her to see the mess she made. Stinging red marks, bruises, the blood trickling out under her nose. Sasha was crumpled into herself, hands desperately trying to cover her face, hiding the tracks of tears smeared across. 

 

_ Oh god.  _ In a second, she’s scrambling off the girl. She gets up on shaking legs and rushes her way home. Runs so fast and doesn’t stop, even as she trembled and her chest ached. She didn’t look back to Sasha once. 

 

She gets home just to run into her bedroom and tuck herself into the corner, beside the dresser and the wall. She doesn’t cry. She just holes up there, legs to chest, and tries to breathe again. 

 

Her hiding would be for not, when her mother stormed up to her room an hour later and demanded she come downstairs right now. Her mother’s rare anger was enough to be worried about – and then, she was led downstairs to find a sniveling and scuffed Sasha and Sasha’s distraught mother at the door. Her mother speaks with a stone tone and folded arms, asking if she  _ hit this girl and broke her nose.  _ Kali, angry eyes to the floor, had to begrudgingly spit out a  _ yes _ , after watching her mother with a sinking feeling as she desperately apologized to Sasha’s mother. Then,  _ she  _ was made to also spit out an apology to Sasha, which she did even though she mostly wanted to tell Sasha that Tracy would never think she was as smart as she thought Kali was. 

 

After, her mother drags her back to her room. Kali could barely look at her, the stormy rbroen eyes that were usually soft becoming a permanent memory – it just made her want to be sick again. She only vaguely hear her mother ask  _ why she hit that poor girl,  _ becoming louder with a  _ you’d better answer me right now young lady.  _

 

Kali would if she had an answer. But she doesn’t. She just knows that it’s  _ unfair.  _ It’s  _ unfair  _ that she tried to do something nice for Tracy for her to hate it and that it was  _ unfair  _ for her to then leave tutoring and it was  _ unfair  _ that she dropped her for Sasha. 

 

So instead she glared at the floor and kicked up imaginary dust. 

 

“‘Cause she’s stupid..” 

 

“Oh  _ really? That’s  _ it?!” Her mother demanded, bugging out her eyes as she tightened her arms “It wouldn’t have anything to do with Tracy now tutoring that Sasha girl?!” 

 

“No!” Kali lied, despite secretly knowing her mother wouldn’t believe it. She got a huff in response.

 

“Well, I find it hard to believe that you just went and beat up that girl for no reason.” She continued to watch Kali closely, and slowly, her gaze became softer “..I know this ain’t you baby. You don’t hurt anyone who hasn’t done anything, who doesn’t deserve it..”

 

Kali couldn’t say anything. She kept glaring downwards, swallowing the lump in her throat and trying to breathe clearly again. She hated how right she was, but she couldn’t find the words to say it. The silence permeated, parent staring down child. 

 

“..So, if you don’t wanna tell me your reason, then you can just be grounded for the next few days.” 

 

Kali gasped, head whipping up with pleading eyes “No!” 

 

“ _Uh-huh.”_ Her mother fought back, frigid, parental look and tight grip onto the door to lead her exit “Your father and I won’t have any of it, so you’ll be grounded without your t.v rights staring right now!”

 

Kali yelled her protest, but the older woman wasn’t bothering to hear it. Rather, she shut the door forcefully on her exit, leaving Kali stuck.

 

That’s when her anger overflowed. Kali began to scream. She kicked the frame of the bed and the dresser and hit the closet doors. She grabbed her stuffed duck and teddy bear and whatever else and threw them. She tossed things and shoved and the photo of her family at christmas ended up on the ground with a dented frame.

 

She began to cry, tears flowing down as she screamed till her throat was raw. She eventually collapsed onto her knees, still sobbing, still screaming. The lights stay in place but soon it starts looking like they’re flickering and red starts pouring from her nose. And then the image of her angry mother appears in the room and then flickers away to be replaced by the pictured idea of her disappointed father and then it’s a bruised Sasha’s who’s sobbing and then it’s Tracy who’s looking so horrified at her once favourite student and then it’s Papa’s smiling down cruelly at her and then the whitecoats who used to beat her all appearing and whisking away around her as she screams – 

 

Until the tears stop and it’s just Kali. Just her, crying into her hands, left to figure out what to do now.

 

-

 

It stays like that for a while. A house full of quiet and nervous parents and a crumbling child.

 

And Kali’s worried it’s never going to be the same again right up to the night she walks into a fight. One of those erupting arguments that were so rare for her parents. She hides out behind the doorway to the kitchen to spy on the angry voices.

 

“..God George what is your  _ point?! _ Besides trying to  _ berate  _ me.” 

 

“My point is that I  _ told you  _ Martha! I told you we were way in over our heads! And  _ now _ look what’s happened!” 

 

“She isn’t doing  _ anything –” _

 

“No but this clearly dangerous! This is..she’s..something so out of our understanding, out of our  _ world, _ it could get someone hurt –”

 

A pan angrily slammed into the sink. Kali flinched. 

 

“So what?! You just wanna quit now?!” 

 

“I didn’t say –”

 

“You just wanna stop being her father?!” 

 

Kali’s stomach dropped and her throat tightened. 

 

“ _ Good god –  _ don’t act like you ain’t scared Martha! Like you’re not scared of what this means or what she can do –”

 

Scared. They were scared of her. Kali felt tears start to pool. They didn’t love her anymore.

 

There were more screams and accusations but then Kali stepped out. She padded out quietly into the kitchen and the whole room stopped dead. They gaped at her, wide-eyed and red handed. 

 

“..Oh, honey, we –”

 

“You’re scared of me..” Kali whispered. Her voice was wet with unshed tears. She watched their faces drop and them try to explain. 

 

“Oh no sweetie, we don’t think that –”

 

“Kiddo we –”

 

“I..I’ll go...” Kali told them, the words cracked. She didn’t want to go. But if they didn’t want her, she would. 

 

She’d hopped they’d still want their family like she did, but maybe this was just something else she didn’t understand. She scrubbed away the tears with her sleeve. 

 

“If...if you don’t love me anymore, I’ll leave...” 

 

Her mother really started to cry now. 

 

“Oh god no, no honey we do we –”

 

“No you don’t.” Kali defended. Tears started to pour out, but she didn’t sob or scream. She just stood; looked right at them and told them the truth they thought she couldn’t see. 

 

“It’s not the same. You act different. I’m bad and scary and you know.” 

 

“Honey –”

 

“I  _ know _ .” She barely got out. Her breathing was unsteady and her hands were shaking.

 

They didn’t say anything. Her mother brought a hand to her lips and eyes tightened shut so tears started streaming down. Her father’s face was ghostly; pained and remorseful, and looking right at her. It was deadly quiet, the whole house filled with mistakes and remorse and a frustration over a situation all of them wanted to figure out and fix but was too big and complicated and no one could understand.

 

It was a standstill, until her dad moved. He quietly stepped forward and reached right for her to pick her up. She’d be thirteen soon but was still so tiny that it was easy for him. He held her close, her little shaking body against his chest, and warm, tough arms tucked around her tightly. He had his face pressed against her head, right by her shoulder, and Kali could feel the wetness around his eyes, behind the gold rims. 

 

She was still crying and she still remembered everything that they said – and her arms came up anyway. They circle around his neck and she clings on tight, tears falling down and onto the iron pressed dress shirt. His hand pressed warmly into her back, making small soothing circles. She heard him whisper, trying to get the words out as they trembled,

 

“ _You’re not bad. You’re not bad. I’m sorry.”_

 

Kali really started to sob. Confessions fell out, blubbering between globs of tears,  _ I don’t really want to go I wanna be a family.  _ Her mother, one hand clutching around her husband, had the other smoothing over her daughter’s arms and lovingly parting her hair, just as teary as the rest of them. 

 

They didn’t separate for the rest of the night. Kali ended up falling asleep on their bed, nestled in between the two of them. 

 

It wasn’t going to fix everything. They were still scared and didn’t know what to do, all three of them, but it did shift.

 

Now they all knew, it didn’t matter. 

 

Because they were going to stay a family, no matter what.

 

-

 

She tries to be the good kid. 

 

She really does.

 

She tries to listen to her mom when she starts forcing her into more dresses. She still hates them but her mom says she can’t just run around in tees with the boys anymore, it wasn’t suitable. Kali wanted an explanation, and all she said was something about  _ developing  _ and getting too old for it which was hardly an explanation at all. Kali guessed it was the reason why she was made to wear that annoying stretchy piece of fabric across her chest now under her clothes, which she also hated. 

 

But she wears the dresses.

 

Because she wasn’t bad.

 

She stops wondering about crushes. About Joey’s kiss, anxiety eating up her insides, and feeling like she secretly knew the reason why. That it wasn’t because he was a bad kisser or anything. That it was her. She was the reason. 

 

She starts worrying about that grade school book she’d burrowed from the library that talked about bodies and changes. The nights she spent, up past bedtime and concealed under flowery sheets, studying the sections under her pink flashlight with her heart nervously beating away. She’d skipped the boys chapters. Instead, she’d looked at the chapters that talk about the development of girls’ bodies; breasts growing and what it looked like between legs. Kali spent half those nights terrified and entranced. Now, she hurriedly stuffed the book under her bed, where no one would ever see it. Now, rather then acting on the urge to keep looking at it, she held tightly onto her pillow, pressing a teary face into it and begging that these feelings would go. Those fuzzy warm ones when looking into a girl’s pretty eyes, or how she’d memorize the way she smiles. She was smart enough to understand there was something behind why she always did this in secret, even if she didn’t know what it was.

 

Because she wasn’t  ~~ going to be ~~ bad.

 

And she’s been doing her hardest to never show her powers. 

 

She kept them locked and sealed. She didn’t need to use them anyway. They were bad, and they only ever brought bad things. She used them to do bad things for the whitecoats; scare animals and manipulate others. And she wasn’t ever going to do that again. 

 

She wasn’t ever going to disappoint her family again. She wasn’t going to make her mother cry again. And she wasn’t going to ever scare anyone else again, like she scared Tracy and Sasha.

 

Still, even through her promises and best efforts, it didn’t take away from the past. It didn’t change that she left Sasha with a broken nose and scars spread over her cheeks. It didn’t change that she ruined everything. It didn’t change that she terrified Tracy right down to her core. 

 

But she had never meant to, that was the thing! When she thinks about her once tutor’s pale face and fearful eyes, tears come out –  _ she hadn’t meant to.  _ She hadn’t meant to be bad.

 

She makes sure nobody sees this, keeping her tears locked inside her bedroom, during nights she’s suppose to be asleep. Remembering Tracy’s fear of her and how the animals had whimpered when she’d made things to scare them and how much Sasha cried and all the bad things she was.

 

Knees to her chest, she sobs into herself, wishing she could say  _ sorry sorry sorry.  _

 

Nowadays, when locked in her room, she’ll pull away the bracelet that always protects her identity and stares at the  _ 008. _ Stares and stares with anger and hurt swelling, smearing like the tears running down. Her marker, everything that was bad about her. What made her mother upset and what drove Tracy away. 

 

She prays for it to be gone. She wants it out; she wants to take a washcloth or an eraser or whatever and make it  _ go away. _ She angrily scratches at it, red stripes madly scratched across the ink and her skin to try and claw it out. A washcloth run under boiling hot water, scrubbing at the numbers until her wrist stung too much to continue. 

 

A butter knife, the sharpest one she could get a hold of. Used to scrape and cut at her skin, little slits of blood popping up. She slices over the ink because she wants it out she  _ just wants it out – _

 

It doesn’t come out; it’s too painful. She only spills tears instead and tells her worried mother later that it was from an incident playing with her friends. They were just messing around and no, no one saw the tattoo.

 

In the end, she’s only left to tie the bracelet, securely, around the numbers. Shield them away from the world and herself. 

 

She couldn’t erase the numbers, but she’ll make sure she’ll never be  _ Eight  _ again. 

 

She makes sure she’ll never use her powers to hurt anyone and be bad again.

 

-

 

Kali wasn’t sure what happened.

 

Ever since she’d been here, Joey had been over constantly. He was stopping by every weekend, and even on times after school, ignoring homework so they could hang out together. 

 

Now, Kali hadn’t heard from him in weeks. She was waiting around on her Saturdays and Sundays, expecting the doorbell to buzz and for her best friend’s smiling face to be at her door. Instead, nothing. She got concerned enough to call the house, asking him where’d he been and did he want to hang out. But he always turned her down; said he had too much homework, or his mom wouldn’t let him go. Kali would hang up confused, knowing, again, Joey never cared to do his homework on time and his mom had a rule about not letting him stay inside for too long since it was bad for him. 

 

With so much radio silence and refusal, she got desperate enough to later call Ralph and Peter’s houses. She just wanted to know if something was weird with Joey, if he was hiding something,  _ what’d happened.  _ They wouldn’t tell her anything, saying they didn’t know or that he hadn’t told them. Kali got an inkling, a sinking feeling in her gut, that they were lying. That they were hanging out with him, and without her. 

 

She tried to ignore her tears creeping on at that, desperate to know why her best friend didn’t want to hang out. She still wanted to see him – what had changed his mind?

 

She’d get her answer almost a month later since the refusals had started, when her mom sent her down to get some milk from the nearby gas station, right after she’d called Joey yet again to come over and he’d told her he was stuck at home helping his mom. When she came out with the carton, she heard a distinct huddle of voices from behind the building. She followed her worried sense of curiosity, all around the building where she spotted a couple young boys on bikes – and then felt her whole self sink in. 

 

Joey and all their friends were there, crowded around with slushies, trading their cards and laughing. They were here without her. 

 

They must’ve heard oncoming footsteps as their laughter dropped, shocked faces spinning towards her. Kali stared and they only stared back, silence holding over at being outright caught. 

 

“..Kali?..” Joey stepped forward, barely meeting her eyes “Wh-what’re you doing here..?” 

 

Kali continued to stare, into his blue eyes that were usually full of light that were purposefully avoiding hers. She felt the sting of tears oncoming. 

 

“..Liar.” She choked out. Joey instantly flicked his gaze away, stumbling for words. 

 

“N-No, I didn’t lie, I just..my mom let me go early, but uh, but then I didn’t know if you still wanted to hang out, so I just thought I’d call maybe tomorrow..–”

 

“Liar!” She said louder, sharper with the sting of hurt. Joey withdrew, his silence showing he didn’t know what to tell her. That’s when Bruce, a gruff glare he gave to Kali, stepped forward to put a hand on the other boy’s shoulder. 

 

“C’mon Joey, you don’t have to listen to her..”

 

He tried to steer him away but Kali grit her teeth and decided she wasn’t letting them go so easily. 

 

“Why are you lying to me?!” She demanded, grasping onto Joey’s sleeve “Why don’t you wanna hang out anymore?!”

 

He stopped, gaze still to the ground. Kali could read how unsure he was, a look juxtaposing on the usual cheery chatterbox he was around her. The sinking feeling got worse and worse. 

 

“..Well, you don’t want to be with me, so..” He ended with a shrug as if that was an explanation. Kali blinked back, completely lost. 

 

“But..but I still wanna be friends! Why would you say that?!” 

 

“ _You_ said so, at the oak tree!” Joey snapped back. Kali flinched, withdrawing. He never yelled. She tried to look back at him, to the bunched glare and stormy eyes. 

 

They looked hurt. Meaning he was telling the truth. 

 

She furrowed, desperately thinking for  _ anything  _ that could’ve made him mad at her. She can’t remember a single point where she said she didn’t want to be friends. She’d always want to be friends with Joey, so why had he suddenly changed his mind?

 

She hones into his words – on  _ the oak tree.  _ She didn’t know what their hide-a-way spot had to do with this. Really, the last time they were there was when..

 

Oh. 

 

The kiss.  _ That  _ was it?

 

Back when he tried to kiss her and she turned away, and so did he. Even then, she’d told him she wanted to keep being friends, still so very much wanted him in her life. 

 

Now, he looks at her with hurt and scorn and it felt next to impossible on someone who’d only ever exuded kindness around her. 

 

“That’s..that’s why you’re upset?” She squinted back at him, almost partially sure that  _ couldn’t  _ be it “Because I didn’t want to kiss?..” 

 

She sees him swallow heavily and cross his arms tighter. He takes a long time to respond. 

 

“Yeah. And you said you didn’t want to do that, be together, so you don’t wanna hang out then..”

 

“I...no..no I  _ didn’t!”  _ She snapped, stomping her foot down “I said I didn’t wanna be like boyfriend and girlfriend, but I still wanna hang out! I still want you as my friend!” 

 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter! You said you didn’t want to, so now we’re not hanging out..” Joey claimed, arms locked and glaring away from her to the ground, like he was trying to shrivel up.

 

Kali was stuck. Mouth agape and staring, she could feel the droplets gathering around her eyes. He  _ couldn’t  _ be saying what it sounded like. 

 

“But..you said we’d still be friends. Best friends..”

 

“Yeah well maybe I changed my mind!” He barked, a glare and crack in his voice “You said we couldn’t be together in the first place so..” 

 

She tried to grasp the words but she simply couldn’t. No part of her wanted to believe that her friend,  _ best friend _ and the very boy who’d stuck with her from the beginning, said he didn’t want to be around her anymore. That just because  _ she _ didn’t feel the same way he did, he was abandoning her. Even after all the time spend, all the secrets shared, all the warm memories Kali has kept close to her of her and her  _ first friend,  _ he was going to throw them away. 

 

She stood gaping, tears welling and heart splintering, her friend begin to walk away. Start shuffling back to his friends who’d left her behind too, never saying anything more. Like that was  _ it. _

 

Watching him go, betrayal and anger swung hard, diminishing any sadness she wanted to fall into. Her small fists tightened and mouth twisted into a snarl because how  _ could  _ he do that to her.  _ Friends don’t do that, friends don’t suddenly stop being friends with you for nothing.  _ That’s when she rushed forward right at him without thinking, with anger bursting off her tongue and wanting him to get a taste of his own medicine, 

 

“ _Shithead!”_

 

She was roaring and her hands swiped, grasping onto his loose tee and shoving him with all the might she had. 

 

She wasn’t strong enough to topple him but he did buckle and stumble across the pavement. The others around gasped and Bruce dove to catch him. Kali glared through his back as they all glanced around with wide-eyes, between him and her, and waiting in tight silence for what’ll happen. 

 

He whipped around to glare right back at her. Kali met him full on, steeling herself even through her shaking shoulders. She did notice, the gloss over his baby blues then.

 

She waited for him to say something back, to spit at her feet. Waiting for that snap back in the utter quiet for him to dare to try. 

 

His lips never parted but then he stomped forward. His fingers grabbed onto her shoulders and  _pushed_ with hurt and ten times the force. 

 

Kali gasped and was suddenly falling back, stumbling across the floor. She barely caught herself before she landed on her back, heart beating wildly and gaping. 

 

They stared. He glared and glared, wet eyes and locked fists. But he didn’t do anything more; said nothing and made no more movements. Kali kept quiet too, unable to even process what he did. 

 

Nothing needed to be said or done, for both to notice the split crack between them. 

 

Finally, he spun back. He took his things and began walking away, shoving past the guys until he was just the echo of his stomping feet. The guys gaped at him, gaped at a shrunken Kali, and then picked up their own things in one unanimous call. They raced right after Joey, gone from sight. 

 

And Kali was alone again. Without her friends, without her best friend. 

 

She stood there for the longest time, attempting to process things. But she hardly could believe, nor wanted to, the things that’d happened. That she hit her best friend. That he did the same back. That they weren’t friends anymore. 

 

She was barely able to get moving as she was still shaking, but eventually found her footsteps again. She picked up the newly purchased milk carton that’d been knocked over and tried to make her way back.

 

She walked all the way home on her own. Dragging the carton in one hand, she used her other sleeve to desperately wipe away the tears running down and mess under her nose. She didn’t want anyone else to see, to notice how much it destroyed her that her only ever friend didn’t want to be around her anymore. 

 

When she arrived her mother was busy in the kitchen, muttering over the stove for some meal. Kali sneaks in quietly as possible, and quickly shoves the carton onto the table. 

 

“Milk..” She mutters, immediately turning to rush off. 

 

“Thanks honey, you – woah,  _ hey,  _ hold on now..” 

 

Kali’s arm was grabbed before she could disappear, gently yanked back. She kept her head down to shield herself, but she knew it wouldn’t hold against her mother – who, surely, turned her to face her and tilted her chin up, face contorted in concern. 

 

“What’s going on sweetheart? What has you so upset?” 

 

At that, Kali started crying more, hands pressing over her eyes to hold it down. Her mother, hand on her back, carefully led her to the couch so they could both sit. She held an arm around her and rubbed her back until Kali could breathe properly again. Once she had control, she stuttered out, 

 

“J-Joey..” She gasped, scrubbing her sweater sleeve across her cheek “he-he doesn’t want to..be my friend anymore..” 

 

“Well that can’t be right. He’s crazy about you. What happened?” 

 

“H-he says..cause I didn’t want to kiss...he..doesn’t want to see me..anymore.” 

 

There was a long period of silence. Kali thinks she can very well hear her mother thinking away, already knowing she was chew on her cheek since she did it when she was trying to sort her thoughts.

 

“I see..” She finally sighs, a gentle smile coming across her lips “Well honey, sometimes people get upset when you don’t like them the same way – very upset.” 

 

Her sniffling came to a stop, where she looked up to her mom. To the helpful loving gaze and quiet wisdom; her signature necklace of pearls that she never took off, with their silver colour catching in the light. 

 

“Even boys?..” 

 

“ _Especially_ boys. But if you don’t like him sweetie, then that’s okay – ain’t no one sayin’ you have to.” She squeezed Kali tighter, her smile a small relief to her daughter “And I’m sure he’ll come around baby. He loves being around you so much, he won’t be upset for long. Trust me.” 

 

Kali does. Her father knew a lot, mostly about weather changes and how to properly fix her scrapped knees, but her mom knew plenty of different things too about the world and the people in it – lessons that were harder for Kali to grasp, but she thinks she’s getting there. So she nods her response and welcomes the warm hug she gets back. 

 

Later, sitting up in bed dressed in her fuzzy pj’s, she eyes Joey’s baseball card. Fiddles with it in her hands, the reflective back shining against her beside lamp, and remembers the hopeful look brightening his face when he gave it to her. Sitting in their favourite spot, the two best friends. 

 

She really hopes her mom is right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If that was at all good for you, let me know down below :) I promise the next one will be a bit happier, and fingers crossed that it'll come relatively soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope that was good! More to hopefully come in the future.


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